The Dream and Obstacles on the way-3

One day, I was walking with my friend in Ganga barrage. The day was same as it was used to. I have a habit to walk in lonely place where i connect to myself. I had pressure of leaving Allahabad it was direct signal that I will not stay here. Maybe I was avoiding the feeling which was indicating that I am not welcomed here. Why? I don't understand the reason. Finally I had broken the silence and told everyone that I would start from this very place.

"No doubt! Many of you would suffer some loss. I want all rewards of my work whatever I have done till now," I said, “And as I am not concentrating on one business, so it's likely that in reward I don't want money, you keep this. All I want my contacts, helpers, dealers and the name you do work with. As there is only one person this time with me to help, so you can enjoy the luxury of being dominant till then," I told in a party.

After hearing this many came to cajole me, "you have good education and you can have good job. Why are you being trapped in this 99's dilemma?"
99's dilemma is considered as something is missed. It literally shows hunger, ambition and greed. It's like creating a target and after achieving it, a guilt come to haunt that the bastard you did not try hard, you could have more juice in that.

But I was adamant on my decision. Only thought was with me "let's do it. Now or never." I was not thinking for myself. My action was about to create more than 100 jobs directly or indirectly at the very beginning. I was crafting a big picture, a beautiful picture. I know I would have to be on my toe all the time, if I am dealing with peoples. But second day my father decided I would not stay in Allahabad. I could choose any place in India to live except U.P. Really surprising! I will not stay in U.P.?
"I am asked to leave U.P. which is still virgin in many areas. The time I move ahead to exploit opportunity, I am asked to leave. What the hell I would do in any other cities? What I did all times, remain here leaving me misfit to society?", I said to my father, " your decision is ruining me, may be you will lose me, maybe I will lost somewhere and you would not be able to search. You are not thinking. Just think! What I want?" and handed him a file.
"Please read it. Take your time. I can wait for good." I said.

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I got surprise on second day, the surprise I didn't want to have.
"You are leaving Allahabad. Get your ticket reserved as soon as possible. And if you don't get it, I don't care how you go?" Very strict words from my father.
I pleaded, I wept, I fainted but I could not deter his decision. My Papa is more stubborn than me.

My Papa's decision gave me a jerk. It upset me from my heart. My mind was not in state to think anything else. I just wanted loneliness for me. I confined myself within the home. One day I felt that my skin is getting pale in lack of sunlight and lack of physical work I was getting weaker. So, I decided to go outside to have some walk.

This was my third day in Ganga barrage. Me and my friend(Joker- Every one calls him by this name) used to be first disturbing the sand in evening. But this day someone had already walked on. I asked Joker to light the cigarette. Because I just want my mind diverted from all those things what happened few days before. The stress was driving me crazy. I smoked first and asked him to light another. He refused but when I insisted then he lit another and asked me not to throw the butt in bush.

I was just silently moving across the river bank and my friend was just getting bored from my silence. Suddenly a man emerged from the nearby bush and just pointed a hand made gun(katta) over my forehead.

"Oh! God..." was the word when I got the situation. He kept looking in my eyes, I in his. After few seconds my mind just started imagining everything I love and stomach felt thousand of butterflies as I will shit in next second. I did not know what to say. My mind was just getting angry and screaming just don't freak me out! Disappear or shoot.


"Abe trigger daba", were the words what came out in that situation.

And next second I listened a clique sound. I did not know what happened when the guy turned back, the bullet got fired. I was seeing joker and joker was chasing him madly. I scream at him," nahi Joker chhod use jane de." I realized that the bullet did not get fire on time. Sometime... most of the time hand made gun(katta) deceives on time and it is cheaply available in Allahabad like city.
Joker turned back and ran toward me and asked,"Abe kaise ho?" And help me to stand.

"Ye kaun tha sala, kahi tune to fielding nahi lagwai thi? Q ki mujhe tujh par kabhi wiswas nahi hota, tu sale kuch bhi kar sakta hai" I just threw harsh word over him.

"Nahi bhai, humka nahi mulum, pata nahi ee kauun rha. Tum rok liyo nahi yahi ooka niptayit." He said in soft voice in Allahabadi accent.


My mind was reacting bizarre. I could feel the heat in my body. I just slammed on the sand and tried to remain awake. Next moment I was unconscious. This did not happen because of fear. This happened because of anger. He patted my cheek helped me reach the Ganga's water. I got wet my hair and face completely. And this water was drenching my jeans.

I reconcile myself and just tried to imagine the situation. And I got few clue to find that man. I told joker to have few peoples for his company and asked him how to get that man and ordered him immediately get that man's in and out. I asked him plan and also told him how to recognize. I studied psychology's few book few month ago, when I finished I realized that it was the misuse of time. Now, that psychology's books were helping me to think by putting myself in that man shoes who tried to kill me.

Next day, by morning, I had all the details. The man was killing me only for 15 thousands rupee. I discovered that he is very poor because of this he had to do. He needed that money to to get rid from the debt and his wife's treatment. I asked him to show that gun. He refused when I build the pressure and put my gun over his forehead. Of course it was my turn to exercise the power. I smelled barrel, its gunpowder smell was fresh. And the worst thing is that he is addicted to gambling. His wife told me.

I can't help such type of man. All I could give him money for gambling by purchasing his gun. I just tossed 2000 Rs over him and advice,"goli ko istemal karne se pehle dhup dikha diya karo." I am sure he would not spend this money on his wife's treatment. And the pathetic part of the incident was that whole plan was designed by the man I respect the most. I have great respect for him. I follow his order like a good servant without thinking anything.

By 1 p.m. I left the home to go Khaga( A town in Fatehpur district). I spotted him purchasing vegetable in Local market. I went over and touched his feet.

"Jite raho beta... jite raho" he blessed me.

"Jite raho na bola karen... pata nahi kab apki duaye kisi aur k liye problem ban jaye..." I said smiling.

He smiled at me and asked,"Chal ghar chal, teri behne yaad kar rhi thi kal"

I followed him. I touched the eldest sister feet. She repeated the same blessing jite raho.

I wonder, one wants me dead and his daughter blessing me to live long. In his blessing there was crookedness and in other the purity.

I asked," Bachchi kaha hai.? Dikh nahi rhi?" by ogling in room She answered,"Coaching gayi hai"

I noticed nervousness on his face when i saw him but he controlled himself brilliantly. Now, it was confirmed that it was his plan.

I had snack what my sister made. I just teased her,"bahut bekar bana hua hai" and she pulled the plate and said,"nahi milega. jao!" And after seeing me struggling for the food she placed the plate on table.

She makes the delicious things I could travel 160 k.m. every day to have such delicious food. I asked the permission from her to let me go. First she refused and when I reasoned her she left me with promise that if I travel through this rout I will definitely come.

Tau accompanied me till the door. But I insisted him to come with me for few reasons. I stopped the bike and got off. I just asked him," When you are marrying your daughters?"

"Why?" He asked.

I answered, "Because I don't want to make them orphan. I want them all to have married in good families soon. I want you dead and do me favor please don't tell them what you did to me and what I want with you?" and I continued, “Use your money in good cause. So marry them soon. I advice transfer all the money on their names. So i could not have any difficulty in my execution. Don't worry I will have respect for you forever. I promise I will shoulder you."

I touched his feet and left him in middle way and headed to home. In the way I thought about my Papa. My Papa never refused anything when I went for permission and he supported me as well. But this time, He just ordered me leave state. He always gave me reason whenever he refused for anything but this time the reason was not described by him.

It's weird...

Where is life heading? It's weird to track it out. It's making me freak. I am sitting at the distance of 2400km and missing home badly. Really these feelings hurt. I know it's better to go back but life has its own trick to make you realize that you are so small against me. On the day of Holi, I was getting continuous call and each call was like a bullet. Everyone has a single question are you home I am coming to your place? Really, It was very odd for me. I could not say, "Hmm! Abe phone karke puch rahe ho, aa nahi sakte? jaldi aoo hum sab tumhara hi intezar kar rhe hai?".

But I don't understand myself that I am here to do the job. I was questioned in a telephonic interview," What is your salary expectation?" My answer was "MORE." The company HR was silent on my answer for a while and asked me to come at the office as soon as I could make. It's not all about the salary and environment. It's about the numbers, I like big, five or six digits don't satisfy me. It's all about the things I like to do. I believe in ups and down. Ups, to make me realize the importance of physical leisure and downs to make me furious about the situation and forcing me to seek the new ways. The city, where I am staying, is Bangalore. It's called the city of dream. The name is right. But I observed it closely, sorry observing is my bad habit and peoples complain me about this, and what I find here peoples come with dreams in their eyes and after few months they see their dreams disappearing from their eyes. Pathetic.... And after sometimes they become the crowd. I want to leave this city as soon as possible because I love my dreams and I never want to lose what I love.

Let me be true, here, my physical condition is very bad. I am under medication and if I don't care about my health and food I take, I invite more problems. And second thing I find myself that I don't need to have more exposure. I was brought up in poverty and this experience dwarfs any other exposure. I can survive in any place. But I don't want to survive rather I want to live. I am in my way to make a businessman. I am happy by getting positive response. I am in my way to be king of my own will. I want to forget the no. how many business I do. I am going to be rich and I never doubt it. My hunger is getting bigger and my risk appetite is being larger. It's weird to take risk for these emotions. One day my Papa wished to see my portfolio and after seeing that he became angry and threw many questions on me. "Are you mad? Where is your sense? Why there is only one company in your list?" My answer was simple big gain. This is not an easy task, you have to be dead for 1000 times and you have to kill your ego for thousands times. And the chap like me whose ego was like Antartica, is in share market. Really, it's weird.

The Dream and Obstacles on the way-2

I am home since the college is over because of fitness. Now, I have recovered a lot but still I am not allowed to work and interact face to face with the public . Before, being at home it used to be a leisure. But excess of anything cause boredom. I want to go outside of the home to do something worthwhile. As, I am making good money just sitting in home. But money is not everything. I want something more precious than money "the stability of my Identity".

I have learnt from my experience that don't chase the money, chase the substance and money will chase it. That's what I did in past. I gave attention on learning. And my learning paid me. I am a jeweler, an engineer, a real state dealer, trader of BSE and NSE and a banker. Everything helped me a lot to understand the other.

Here, I have stuck in game of push and pull. I don't want to do job and my Papa wants me to do. My Papa is my hero. He made his identity from nothing. I can't disobey Papa but even I can't push my dreams forth. I just want them right now. I have told Papa that I am better in working with people than machine but he is not ready. My dreams are like drugs to me. They fascinate me. They force me to go beyond my potential. I am furious and aggressive to bring them in reality. No other things hypnotized me so much except love. If someone else would have tried to prevent me, I would crush him. But unfortunately that is my Papa. Here, I am helpless.

I only know working without someone else order. I know implementing my decision. I am very familiar with the process from plan to execution.

I need a good sum to expand real estate business but I don't understand how does an engineer's job will give me such amount and if this is giving me, it would take more than half decade to have that much money with a very good pay scale. And the most important thing that the job will eat my time. For me, Engineering was all about to learn the technology. But people, including My Papa, took it in wrong sense. That's right I sat in few companies college recruitment but what is truth behind the scene no one knows. I was greedy about their training because few companies have the best training program. I want to earn hundreds in a week, thousand in month and million by the end of the year. Everyone is teaching me to climb the ladder in career. But is this wrong to have the thought to be rich enough to buy your own ladder?

Some peoples are afraid of that if I enter in jewelery market, I would shed bad impact on the market and will reduce the margin. Jeweler market is the place where I grew up. I still live and breath it. Papa says that if I enter, I would ruin few people's business and will make enemies that would be major threat to my life." You can't make your success without making any enemy. I am not fond of making enemy. This is the life I can't make everyone happy. I don't care what peoples consider me. This is up to them whether they consider me friend or enemy. Their blood have same color as mine and they will also bleed when they would get wounded. There is one thing crystal clear If you want to do business, get along to me, if you can't, defeat me before I do or just start counting your turn. People say that I am greedy. We people assign the GREED name to this lovely emotion for lack of better word. I think that GREED is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies cut through and captures the essence of evolutionary spirits. Greed, in all of its forms... Greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed pushes us ahead for betterment.

Yes, I am greedy about money and the things I like. What is my fault if available things do not feed my hunger? Sometimes, I take severe risk to make money. I know only one thing If you can make money, then make it. I used to cover 5 k.m. distance on foot from school to home in scorching noon to save only 1 Rs. I know the importance of 1 Paisa. Sometimes, my order in worth of 7 digit get rejected in shorts of few Paisa and few second delay cause loss in 4 digit. But again, I say, "money is not everything." In my network, there are both type of peoples good and bad. Bad peoples would be bad for other, they are very generous for me. They work incredibly. They are the best source of information. They provide me information in no time. As, the information is the most valuable commodity and it has value when it is received on time.I have reached at such line which is cusp of black and white world. But my values do not give me permission to cross the line. And the point where I am standing is gray, so I would keep loving the gray world.

Here, I want to give messages to people who really want to be something and who want to be stand apart from the other.
1. Know little about a lot. This is contradicting with the prevailing thought "Be specialist." First one make you owner and second one make you servant.
2. Stay hungry