It has been so long I did not interact with most of you. I am a little bit busier, not like before because as I had to bunk class to take rest, in work. Here at home, I love being a businessman. I can sport professionalism and no one blames that you are being inhuman. I have to shut my eyes and mind for any relationship type of things during 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Meanwhile no friends because such type of creature have ability to touch the heart and the big problem is with me I am week with heart. So, I stopped making friends, now I make only partner or coworker.
Sometimes few peoples claim to me , “Why do you not act with softness?” But this question does not matter with me. “Hate me or love me, I am that’s way”.
The things what matter most, the completion of work on time and fully satisfied customers. Alas!! This is not going to sustain longer because I have to leave Allahabad soon. This is only contract for few days and after that I am not allowed to remain longer in city, my father wants me to do job.
In evening time, after the work, I never forget to call my old friends or seeing them. I am lucky that I got few friends whom I can say, “they are my buddies.” They make me, me. Sometimes they make me laugh; they make me serious and sometimes sad. Sometimes they unfold old memories and sometimes they make wonderful memory to be treasured. Making practical jokes are common thing but sometimes they idiots dig the soft spot,” LOVE”. Sometimes, they make me remind her out of sudden. They know better I am very stubborn about the things from childhood… I like only one thing and don’t compromise with this. I should not have loved her but what I would do the love of first sight is very dangerous and I could not escape from it. I started loving her from very first day of college when Chandra sir was taking my introduction and she was smiling at my goofs and look. Today and that day are same for me because I have same feeling about her what I had that day. I am already desirous about her and they add fuel in fire by making me remember her. This is fact I love her but never want anything in return.
Once I asked her to be friend but she refused by saying it, “ Ab kya fayda!! Clg is over… hum log ja rahe hai.”
She was searching benefit in friendship. I know that I did some bad activities and she had to face some problems but finally I realized my mistakes and ask for apology. I appreciate that she gave me pardon so easily. I know she is good at heart but when I will be able to touch her heart, I don’t know.
I think I kept rattling on at this love thing. She would be angry when she will go through this blog. Once again I will make her angry. This is the problem with me whenever I want to do anything good, when she was concerned, always goes opposite from the intention.
Sometimes few college’s friends also come in memory. Few of them are in continuous touch via mail, msg, phone call and chatting. Sometimes few of them call from unknown no. to puzzle me and give hint to recognize and at the end of call the contact is updated. But there also few people who did not bother to give their new no. Such type of people are very ridiculous, they want to forget their past and past’s people but they forget one basic thing whatever they are today because of their past and peoples who helped them in any manner. And one major thing they are forgetting before forgetting their so called past, is that they are living in such a world called global village and in village’s peoples care much about. Nothing can be hidden from other villagers. So their updated no. come silently onto my cell in the form of message and this no. is also updated.
************************************************************************************
Now, I tell you one accident. I was coming from Lucknow to Allahabad by train as usual in general coach packed with rush. There, I met with a guy coming back from counseling.
I figured it out on seeing the document with uptu’s logo. I pried him,” Are you coming from counseling?”
He corrected me and said, “I am not coming back from counseling, I went to take allotment later.”
“Which college did you chose?”, I questioned.
He answered with proud and smile, “Maharana Pratap Engineering College Kanpur” as he won red fort.
I was shocked that he was allotted MPEC and smiling. May he can see his dark future in mpec.
“Why did you choose this college? Did you not get any college in NCR? How this came in your mind to chose mpec?”, I threw a bunch of question on him.
He replied smartly, “The College in under 30 in u.p. and the placement is 100% and more than 60 companies came for campus placement this year including Infosys, tcs and wipro type top mncs. And in mpec companies don’t choose student, students choose company.”
Hearing this I must be proud on my college because he knows few facts as it was under 30 in up wipro came in my college. But he does not know wipro came but only to take written test. I don’t want to boast of my achievement that I have cleared the written test and still did not get any interview date. Because it was an inauspicious day I decided to sit in campus placement program and gave first written test of any company of my life and after coming out from room I called my papa and said him I have cleared the wipro’s written test. This day I changed my career plan and the consequence is that I will have to look a job. I wanted to come home as loser to live my dream, so that I could do business because the business I wanted to do, does not need any qualification it only wants determination, self trust, networking, interpersonal skill, assessing the peoples’ mind and vision. I am victim of college tactics and he is poor consumer who was tempted by advertisement and victim of corporate marketing as mpec invest a big part of its income in advertisements.
Yes, that guy was right but let me explain where he was right. College used to be under 30 and good visiting companies don’t select students from our college because our college system don’t polish the shortcoming of the students, so students’ skill don’t par with companies’ standards and students select company because no good company comes for campus placement so student select from alternative whether they have to sit or not.
I had to do duty of an ex mpecian and social worker. I had to save his future so I told him reality and gave him instance of myself and suggest him to go for recounseling .
When I detrained at Prayag station I was feeling good that at least I prevent that guy to being one from us. He will not face the question as we are facing. NOW WHAT?
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
The dream & obstacles on the way…
One dream always teases me. This dream makes me restless and always hovered in my mind. This dream affects my attitude and the way I think. This dream boosts my confidence towards the future this dream always make me pragmatic.
Let me start from very beginning once my Papa took me in workshop with him. Where I felt heat of furnace and suffocation caused by the acid’s smoke.
I asked my father, “Why do you not do it in open space, so that all the smoke and heat could exit.”
“This is the gold and silver, we can’t melt it in open space we have to check its color and its behavior at different stage.” He replied simply.
I asked him again, “What is gold and silver?”
He replied, “These are the things which give us foods.”
I could not understand the answer my father gave me, I was puzzled how the gold and silver give us food whereas the momma cooks food and give us.
Gradually I grown up and started to understand the Silver and Gold’s bricks. How does it give us food after transforming into beautiful ornaments? I also understood the hard work, art and dedication behind this art of being metal into ornaments. After class 6 my interest shifted towards the workshop rather than to study and that workshop became my school and playground. Firstly my father wanted me to keep separate from all these things but seeing my interest and ability to learn he allowed me stay there with a warning that if I would fail in exam he will send me to city to study. With the fear of separation from Momma I kept my study on and also started the making damage in the tools and part of jewelry. And after the 6 month of making good loss I became a quick designer and was one of the best boy among the working men.
These ornaments always hypnotized me but the books used to be my friend along with the flame of blowers and smoke of acid. I rarely used to go school and but in interest of book I never had difficulty in understanding the in scripted black words on white paper.
When I was exposed as a mediator between the jewelry and customer I find difficulty for first few days. And onto this my father helped me and told me how to understand the customer, you can’t handle all people in same way you need to understand the psychology of the person standing before you and also told me the tricks what was very helpful in process of understanding the peoples’ mind. I aced the trick and have 100% satisfied customer whom I handled. I developed a relationship whomever I met in the process of understanding the behavior some of them became my Chacha, Chachi, Dada, Baba, Aka, Tau and Amma. This is a market strategy to attack on customers’ mind through their heart.
In 11th and 12th I had work beyond my potential and available resources. Whenever I was in middle of 12th, the order was flooding and it was hard to handle all those with available resource so I proposed the idea of increasing the resources and allow me to give it fulltime. I got mixed response on first idea My Papa praised me and on second idea I had been banned to go workshop. He ordered me concentrate on my study; and said, “your part of work will be handle by other.” I did not go workshop until I cleared my intermediate and sailed through only entrance exam of UPSEE. And meanwhile I had ton of time to keep keen eyes over the market’s behavior and got command in prediction of market response with around 80% accuracy and came to know about the brands like thing. So I decided to establish my own brand.
But the UPSEE entrance exam result created another alternative for me. Here I had two way one was for engineering and another was handling the business. But my all inclination was towards the business. But my father did not allow me to handle the business. He said you are too little to take care of this first go for study after that we will decide.
So I had to take admission in engineering as I did not filled any examination entrance exam so only had only this choice. After coming here I could not separate myself from that world. Still I kept contact with all business associates, customer, market analyst , stock broker and dealer. Usually I used to send instruction to my business associate about the market quote in middle of lecture. I used to skip the day whenever I saw the more tumble in market, I used to pass the time in internet lab staring at the BSE, NSE’s ticker and reading articles of the great analyst to know the reason behind the present fluctuation.
In this four year I never bothered about job, I have affection about the technology the consequence, I am good at it but I die on the market’s behavior and its mystery to make me fail in the things I perceive.
I left the problem of job over my destiny but I love the technology and market analysis was plus point for aptitude. On one side destiny will play its role about the job and other side my hard will make me successful in transforming my dream in reality. Here I am again standing at the location from where two pavements emerge, one towards entering into corporate and other will led me towards my dream of making my own brand. I have chosen second to move on. That’s why I don’t appear in any company’s written test.
Let me start from very beginning once my Papa took me in workshop with him. Where I felt heat of furnace and suffocation caused by the acid’s smoke.
I asked my father, “Why do you not do it in open space, so that all the smoke and heat could exit.”
“This is the gold and silver, we can’t melt it in open space we have to check its color and its behavior at different stage.” He replied simply.
I asked him again, “What is gold and silver?”
He replied, “These are the things which give us foods.”
I could not understand the answer my father gave me, I was puzzled how the gold and silver give us food whereas the momma cooks food and give us.
Gradually I grown up and started to understand the Silver and Gold’s bricks. How does it give us food after transforming into beautiful ornaments? I also understood the hard work, art and dedication behind this art of being metal into ornaments. After class 6 my interest shifted towards the workshop rather than to study and that workshop became my school and playground. Firstly my father wanted me to keep separate from all these things but seeing my interest and ability to learn he allowed me stay there with a warning that if I would fail in exam he will send me to city to study. With the fear of separation from Momma I kept my study on and also started the making damage in the tools and part of jewelry. And after the 6 month of making good loss I became a quick designer and was one of the best boy among the working men.
These ornaments always hypnotized me but the books used to be my friend along with the flame of blowers and smoke of acid. I rarely used to go school and but in interest of book I never had difficulty in understanding the in scripted black words on white paper.
When I was exposed as a mediator between the jewelry and customer I find difficulty for first few days. And onto this my father helped me and told me how to understand the customer, you can’t handle all people in same way you need to understand the psychology of the person standing before you and also told me the tricks what was very helpful in process of understanding the peoples’ mind. I aced the trick and have 100% satisfied customer whom I handled. I developed a relationship whomever I met in the process of understanding the behavior some of them became my Chacha, Chachi, Dada, Baba, Aka, Tau and Amma. This is a market strategy to attack on customers’ mind through their heart.
In 11th and 12th I had work beyond my potential and available resources. Whenever I was in middle of 12th, the order was flooding and it was hard to handle all those with available resource so I proposed the idea of increasing the resources and allow me to give it fulltime. I got mixed response on first idea My Papa praised me and on second idea I had been banned to go workshop. He ordered me concentrate on my study; and said, “your part of work will be handle by other.” I did not go workshop until I cleared my intermediate and sailed through only entrance exam of UPSEE. And meanwhile I had ton of time to keep keen eyes over the market’s behavior and got command in prediction of market response with around 80% accuracy and came to know about the brands like thing. So I decided to establish my own brand.
But the UPSEE entrance exam result created another alternative for me. Here I had two way one was for engineering and another was handling the business. But my all inclination was towards the business. But my father did not allow me to handle the business. He said you are too little to take care of this first go for study after that we will decide.
So I had to take admission in engineering as I did not filled any examination entrance exam so only had only this choice. After coming here I could not separate myself from that world. Still I kept contact with all business associates, customer, market analyst , stock broker and dealer. Usually I used to send instruction to my business associate about the market quote in middle of lecture. I used to skip the day whenever I saw the more tumble in market, I used to pass the time in internet lab staring at the BSE, NSE’s ticker and reading articles of the great analyst to know the reason behind the present fluctuation.
In this four year I never bothered about job, I have affection about the technology the consequence, I am good at it but I die on the market’s behavior and its mystery to make me fail in the things I perceive.
I left the problem of job over my destiny but I love the technology and market analysis was plus point for aptitude. On one side destiny will play its role about the job and other side my hard will make me successful in transforming my dream in reality. Here I am again standing at the location from where two pavements emerge, one towards entering into corporate and other will led me towards my dream of making my own brand. I have chosen second to move on. That’s why I don’t appear in any company’s written test.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Few more days of college and these memories
Exam is about to come, the layer of dust over the stack of book is still. This time everything seems white. When I open book I don’t understand where the printed words went and I see only white pages. I am not in jaw of any new decease it is just confusion what I should read first. And classes have almost over. But the teacher did not know I did not have any idea what they were talking about. Again feeling of departure is aching in heart and thought hovering in mind. Again I find myself in weak EQ state. The Bondages have established to this place and they are ending up in sweet, sour and bitter memories...
Be it sitting with friends at the hut in mid night from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m. and talking bullshit.
Be it hanging leg on the terrace of B.D.S building and sitting there and let the running adrenaline and seen up by the Mr. R.L. Dixit and disappearing in split of second.
Be it the preparation of birthday party to kick the Birthday boy’s ass, reaching to celebrate the party with wrapping towel around the waist and shoes in the legs.
Be it 3 people sleeping in single narrow bed and abuses of sandwiched boy.
Be it having drinks with friends under the open sky on the hostel’s roof and next day complain of warden and suggestion "don't throw the bottle keep it aside somewhere, I will get it picked up."
Be it talking with girlfriend and intensely making loud noise by the friends and letting her know something is being hidden and after that a session of circular chiding.
Be it going Dhaba early in the morning and finding in dilemma to decide the dishes.
Be it group preparation of exam and shifting the topic from course to computers game and movies and praying to get passing marks.
Be it bringing the wine bottle in place of notes in bag and showing up that in middle of lecture, and bunking the class, having galore of neat shots. Then working on the project and ending up on the bed sleeping leaving project running.
Be it spending the night without sleeping in care of that my friend have been admitted in hospital..
Be it fighting with friend and jumping over his door on next day forgetting all the hard feelings and asking to come for breakfast.
Be it asking treat for every trivial or important things and refusal of friends and next hour bringing edible things from the market and sharing with him and mean time saying that "kha le tere hi paise ka hai".
Be it preparation of exam over night and missing the exam in morning and blaming to partner "Sale agar sone diya hota to paper nahi miss hota."
These are the memories which would be cherished and they are the friends. Every masti moments will bring tear in eyes. I spent four years over here and never miss the Home in the presence of friends but when I was home I missed them. How the Days will pass without them?
My world has opened its gate for me and busy in preparation to welcome me. Few of them are happy that I am going back home and taking over my Papa’s business. Some of them are also trying to misguide my Papa to sending me Delhi for further study as they don’t want a potential competitor in market. I don’t know what future has in its bag for me but I am sure it will be containing good gift for me. I never expected I will find such a good friend in my college life and they will become a important part of my life. These friends became a treasure for me. May be this is my last blog of B.Tech. May be I will have to detached from you all people sorry for this but I will have to. You people contributed a great part of your life to me thanx for it. You people will always be remembered.
A big hug to you all people.
Good Bye…
Be it sitting with friends at the hut in mid night from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m. and talking bullshit.
Be it hanging leg on the terrace of B.D.S building and sitting there and let the running adrenaline and seen up by the Mr. R.L. Dixit and disappearing in split of second.
Be it the preparation of birthday party to kick the Birthday boy’s ass, reaching to celebrate the party with wrapping towel around the waist and shoes in the legs.
Be it 3 people sleeping in single narrow bed and abuses of sandwiched boy.
Be it having drinks with friends under the open sky on the hostel’s roof and next day complain of warden and suggestion "don't throw the bottle keep it aside somewhere, I will get it picked up."
Be it talking with girlfriend and intensely making loud noise by the friends and letting her know something is being hidden and after that a session of circular chiding.
Be it going Dhaba early in the morning and finding in dilemma to decide the dishes.
Be it group preparation of exam and shifting the topic from course to computers game and movies and praying to get passing marks.
Be it bringing the wine bottle in place of notes in bag and showing up that in middle of lecture, and bunking the class, having galore of neat shots. Then working on the project and ending up on the bed sleeping leaving project running.
Be it spending the night without sleeping in care of that my friend have been admitted in hospital..
Be it fighting with friend and jumping over his door on next day forgetting all the hard feelings and asking to come for breakfast.
Be it asking treat for every trivial or important things and refusal of friends and next hour bringing edible things from the market and sharing with him and mean time saying that "kha le tere hi paise ka hai".
Be it preparation of exam over night and missing the exam in morning and blaming to partner "Sale agar sone diya hota to paper nahi miss hota."
These are the memories which would be cherished and they are the friends. Every masti moments will bring tear in eyes. I spent four years over here and never miss the Home in the presence of friends but when I was home I missed them. How the Days will pass without them?
My world has opened its gate for me and busy in preparation to welcome me. Few of them are happy that I am going back home and taking over my Papa’s business. Some of them are also trying to misguide my Papa to sending me Delhi for further study as they don’t want a potential competitor in market. I don’t know what future has in its bag for me but I am sure it will be containing good gift for me. I never expected I will find such a good friend in my college life and they will become a important part of my life. These friends became a treasure for me. May be this is my last blog of B.Tech. May be I will have to detached from you all people sorry for this but I will have to. You people contributed a great part of your life to me thanx for it. You people will always be remembered.
A big hug to you all people.
Good Bye…
Friday, March 26, 2010
My childhood and its learning
In this Holi I got chance to visit my village where I was born, a place where my initial and most important education took place. Many memories are related to that place “Mardanpur”. These memories are my treasure. If forget these, I will kill child in me.
A sudden thought came in my mind which was good excuse to tell the people. It was grace of accident what I had just before the two days of Holi. I was not supposed to go over anyone’s place and no one was going to complain me that “Kumar tum Allahabad me the aur milne bhi nahi aa sake.”So I had a ton of time to spend according to my will.
I was not able to ride bike so I asked my younger brother to come with me and ride the bike. He did not enquire anything but I can understand from his facial expression that he has a big plan with his friend and I am spoiling that. I asked him, “Koi kam ho to mat jao mai sonu ke sath chala jata hun.” “Nahi bhai ji chalta hun kam to mai kar hi lunga,” he replied.
After having momma’s permission we were on the way and after 20 minutes, we were at the outside of our village. I had not been there for 4 years; so many things have changed so it was hard to recognize the place. As we entered in village men, women and children were looking at us as we are alien. I waved to those faces what I recognized. Everything which exists but corroded with time, were reminding me the flash back of my childhood.
The primary school where my initial education took place has collapsed, it is not school no more, It is only remains. Its wall was made off clay and roof from soil plate, it had only one room. Here I came in contact with the soil and nature, the neem’s tree, under which my class used to held, became a giant tree.
The pond’s bank, where I, my cousin and other children used to play, has been occupied by hoses. This pond’s bank used to be our favorite place, except playing here we used to chase dragonfly and butterfly. Sometimes we became successful in our chase and sometimes we fail. But in next attempt we used to apply extra effort to catch them. Catching fish, from pond, used to be patience’s work. This pond taught us to keep patience and wait for next trap.
My brother stopped before Tau’s house. I touched the tai’s feet as I entered into house and sat on the floor. Tai chided me,”Pradeep uth jamin se nahi to kapda kharab hoi jayi” I response,” Amma rehne do mai thik hun bahut aaram mil rha hai chot lagi hai chair par nahi baith sakta” and spread my leg a little bit more. Just before my eyes Baba’s picture were hanging on the wall in a big frame decorated with artificial garland and pearls. I was not in village when Baba left the world. When I returned home and did not find Baba anywhere and asked to my granny,” Amma Baba kaha gaye hai.” My granny simply replied,”Baba Himalaya par puja karne gaye hai.” That time Himalaya was unknown place for me and I made a myth that who goes Himalaya comes after a many days. Whenever I remember Baba’s repeat the same question and used to get same reply and sometimes used to see picture. Baba always used to look at me smile through the glass whenever I saw. I always used to miss Baba’s piggy back ride and toffee.
“Tai brought some gujhiya and papad,” and ordered me to take and when I refused she chided and added some more plate of samosa and dahi bada as punishment and also complained about my health and advice to take care of this.
I saw at Baba’s picture, Baba was still smiling and looking at me. I wanted to have piggy back ride again and missing those toffee. The darkness was falling rapidly and my brother was seeing me. I read his eyes and asked him,” Bas 5 min, chal rhe hai.”
While we were returning, I asked him to stop and I got off and headed towards a narrow bridge through which only one person can pass. I still remember I used to fear to move alone through that bridge and to overcome my fear my elder brother Sandeep Bhai always used to take me on the middle of bridge and left me alone and from the bridge end used to beacon me to come and I always used to weep and scream mummy mummy and try to move gradually. But fear has gone I was standing on that bridge and seeing that the bottom is not more than 10 ft. below. Sandeep Bhai teaching was always tough for me then. He taught me to overcome fear and see beyond this. He made me daredevil, now a day height and speed is most lovable things.
My eyes were trying to search those trees under which my cousin and I used to take rest while returning from the school. Those trees used to be our best companion in firing summer. They used to prevent us from aggressive sun and help us to keep safe our bare feet. My cousin used to run rapidly from one tree to another tree’s shadow and I used to follow his lead. And these days, even on the occasion of Holi, he journeys one city to another city to grow his construction company and I am residing in another city to have higher education.
On the way I was missing both those trees which have been cut down and my cousin who was in Varanasi at that time. These are the childhood’s memories some is painful what I don’t want to face, some is reality of struggle and some are funny moments what I think and smile. It is the journey of gaining experience from the day we born and the day I am living, doesn’t matter how it was but gave me good learning what I am going to keep safe.
A sudden thought came in my mind which was good excuse to tell the people. It was grace of accident what I had just before the two days of Holi. I was not supposed to go over anyone’s place and no one was going to complain me that “Kumar tum Allahabad me the aur milne bhi nahi aa sake.”So I had a ton of time to spend according to my will.
I was not able to ride bike so I asked my younger brother to come with me and ride the bike. He did not enquire anything but I can understand from his facial expression that he has a big plan with his friend and I am spoiling that. I asked him, “Koi kam ho to mat jao mai sonu ke sath chala jata hun.” “Nahi bhai ji chalta hun kam to mai kar hi lunga,” he replied.
After having momma’s permission we were on the way and after 20 minutes, we were at the outside of our village. I had not been there for 4 years; so many things have changed so it was hard to recognize the place. As we entered in village men, women and children were looking at us as we are alien. I waved to those faces what I recognized. Everything which exists but corroded with time, were reminding me the flash back of my childhood.
The primary school where my initial education took place has collapsed, it is not school no more, It is only remains. Its wall was made off clay and roof from soil plate, it had only one room. Here I came in contact with the soil and nature, the neem’s tree, under which my class used to held, became a giant tree.
The pond’s bank, where I, my cousin and other children used to play, has been occupied by hoses. This pond’s bank used to be our favorite place, except playing here we used to chase dragonfly and butterfly. Sometimes we became successful in our chase and sometimes we fail. But in next attempt we used to apply extra effort to catch them. Catching fish, from pond, used to be patience’s work. This pond taught us to keep patience and wait for next trap.
My brother stopped before Tau’s house. I touched the tai’s feet as I entered into house and sat on the floor. Tai chided me,”Pradeep uth jamin se nahi to kapda kharab hoi jayi” I response,” Amma rehne do mai thik hun bahut aaram mil rha hai chot lagi hai chair par nahi baith sakta” and spread my leg a little bit more. Just before my eyes Baba’s picture were hanging on the wall in a big frame decorated with artificial garland and pearls. I was not in village when Baba left the world. When I returned home and did not find Baba anywhere and asked to my granny,” Amma Baba kaha gaye hai.” My granny simply replied,”Baba Himalaya par puja karne gaye hai.” That time Himalaya was unknown place for me and I made a myth that who goes Himalaya comes after a many days. Whenever I remember Baba’s repeat the same question and used to get same reply and sometimes used to see picture. Baba always used to look at me smile through the glass whenever I saw. I always used to miss Baba’s piggy back ride and toffee.
“Tai brought some gujhiya and papad,” and ordered me to take and when I refused she chided and added some more plate of samosa and dahi bada as punishment and also complained about my health and advice to take care of this.
I saw at Baba’s picture, Baba was still smiling and looking at me. I wanted to have piggy back ride again and missing those toffee. The darkness was falling rapidly and my brother was seeing me. I read his eyes and asked him,” Bas 5 min, chal rhe hai.”
While we were returning, I asked him to stop and I got off and headed towards a narrow bridge through which only one person can pass. I still remember I used to fear to move alone through that bridge and to overcome my fear my elder brother Sandeep Bhai always used to take me on the middle of bridge and left me alone and from the bridge end used to beacon me to come and I always used to weep and scream mummy mummy and try to move gradually. But fear has gone I was standing on that bridge and seeing that the bottom is not more than 10 ft. below. Sandeep Bhai teaching was always tough for me then. He taught me to overcome fear and see beyond this. He made me daredevil, now a day height and speed is most lovable things.
My eyes were trying to search those trees under which my cousin and I used to take rest while returning from the school. Those trees used to be our best companion in firing summer. They used to prevent us from aggressive sun and help us to keep safe our bare feet. My cousin used to run rapidly from one tree to another tree’s shadow and I used to follow his lead. And these days, even on the occasion of Holi, he journeys one city to another city to grow his construction company and I am residing in another city to have higher education.
On the way I was missing both those trees which have been cut down and my cousin who was in Varanasi at that time. These are the childhood’s memories some is painful what I don’t want to face, some is reality of struggle and some are funny moments what I think and smile. It is the journey of gaining experience from the day we born and the day I am living, doesn’t matter how it was but gave me good learning what I am going to keep safe.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
A spring’s morning and my dreams
Date- 23 Feb, 2010
Time- 6:47 a.m.
The morning is cloudy like few images in my mind. Before few hours I heard thundering and the sound of drizzling through my window but in woken sleep state. I woke up because of a sweet dream. As I saw I am sitting with my college first crush in a park talking with her taking her hand in mine. “Oh shit this was only dream” when my mind woke up properly and I realized. Fan was rotating at its full speed and sensation of morning chills were touching me with my dreams in my open eyes some are practical and some are only dream what I have to bring into reality. How much I will have to suffer I don’t know but I am ready for worst. But I know my ambition, is bigger than those upcoming problems. Shhhhh morning chill and warm bed who the lazy will want to come out from that. So I kept delaying my alarm from 5 a.m. to 6:15 a.m. .
Finally I remembered my rule 21 “What the hell u r doing Kumar, be the winner of the bed” and I brought it into action, quickly jumped off from the bed touch the earth first and kissed it. And just appeared on my front room’s door and knocked the door to keep the value of my “OK” text and his msg “Bhai 6 baje jaga dena.” After that again rule 21 do what you like the most. I wanted to open www.shyamadvisory.com to help Papa but this want remained want because I did not find my modem. May be Sandy took that. Hmnm Sandy was being excited last night about the live cctv camera of white house which was showing the live video of white house and I was screaming at him “Abe marva doge” time to time till late night. No till morning 3 a.m. . But yet he kept including me his excitement by robbing my golden sleeping time again and again. When I got saturated from his activity I hold my hand before him and said “ mahraj hume sone do,” and slept.
After five minute “Abey utho yaar dekho yaar kya ho rha hai” still he did it.
“Mujhe link mail kar do bad me dekh lunga”. I asked and landed in never land.
This incident happens with me often because he has only authority to disturb me in my sleep. This time I am writing with smile on lips and a pain in heart thinking that who will rob my sleeping time as Sandy always does and I never mind. After few months there would be no such type of incident or activity that the guy lying on bed in just front room at the distance not more than 10 ft texting me “Bhai 6 baje jaga dena”. Yes I am spending twilight of my Btech life.
In these twilight days I am getting busier. I am making my own kingdom to live after this education. So soon because it is better to start earlier than delaying it further when I already have decided to do business in very beginning. What would I do when no company is visiting to this college? Those who visited, were not fulfilling my terms so I did not even appear in any of these companies written test. Because I have a bad habit to live my life on my own terms and I can’t negotiate with these terms even in worst condition. I never wanted to do job. This was my Papa who always wanted me to do job and at other side he is already to welcome my every will but I want to fulfill my Father’s wish but with my own condition as I am mirror image of my father. But above all he wants to see me happy in every condition even in bad situation seeing me struggling to resolve it. So I am confident he will not force me to do anything against my will. I know when I will tell him my plan he will get angry for one day and next morning he will definitely wake me up to give him company in jogging and to challenge my stamina.
Hmm I wanted to share one more thing with you people that I have some contact with those people since 1 year who are expert in making excuse. But what I can do? I believe on them and I have to admit their every excuse as truths. May be I will have to keep a man to send messages to those people who say to me that they don’t reply or forward messages. But they do this crap just right before my eyes. Still I believe on them because they say they don’t.
Oh! one thing also came in my mind that my few will wishers think that I am misguided. They asked me that I am heading on wrong way. I admit that I am misguided by my own instinct because I am taking U turn. Taking plunge is not so easy I understand the situation. Four years in engineering college. The most productive time of my life I spent in a confided campus. I am going in that field where engineering’s subjects don’t have any relation except some management subject. I think I need the proper definition of MISGUIDE word. Why this is different in two perspectives. Why this is different for different peoples? The people say me I became bad boy because I smoke and drink occasionally. If it is bad then the way I have to work to bring my dream into reality must be also wrong. I have to collect money so that I would not borrow any penny from any one. Sometimes failures in task give me frustration and I get tired because of exhausting continuous market analysis. Only one minute mistake ends up in heavy money loss and damages of my associative belief over me. If a boy drink to forget all those things for a night. Is this wrong? This is the life I have seen it from very close. And I could not understand it till now. It only taught me to remain silent and serious. And always a line what came in my mind when I try to understand it more.
“Ai jindagi chal tu hi bata de kaise tujhe jiya jaye, maan gaya ki mai galat tarike se ji rha hun”
Now my alarm is ringing this is 8 a.m. I can see the news paper “The Times of India” lying on the floor and this is the time to have a look over some national and international news and after that time to go in spiritual world mean to my temple mean to do exercise.
Time- 6:47 a.m.
The morning is cloudy like few images in my mind. Before few hours I heard thundering and the sound of drizzling through my window but in woken sleep state. I woke up because of a sweet dream. As I saw I am sitting with my college first crush in a park talking with her taking her hand in mine. “Oh shit this was only dream” when my mind woke up properly and I realized. Fan was rotating at its full speed and sensation of morning chills were touching me with my dreams in my open eyes some are practical and some are only dream what I have to bring into reality. How much I will have to suffer I don’t know but I am ready for worst. But I know my ambition, is bigger than those upcoming problems. Shhhhh morning chill and warm bed who the lazy will want to come out from that. So I kept delaying my alarm from 5 a.m. to 6:15 a.m. .
Finally I remembered my rule 21 “What the hell u r doing Kumar, be the winner of the bed” and I brought it into action, quickly jumped off from the bed touch the earth first and kissed it. And just appeared on my front room’s door and knocked the door to keep the value of my “OK” text and his msg “Bhai 6 baje jaga dena.” After that again rule 21 do what you like the most. I wanted to open www.shyamadvisory.com to help Papa but this want remained want because I did not find my modem. May be Sandy took that. Hmnm Sandy was being excited last night about the live cctv camera of white house which was showing the live video of white house and I was screaming at him “Abe marva doge” time to time till late night. No till morning 3 a.m. . But yet he kept including me his excitement by robbing my golden sleeping time again and again. When I got saturated from his activity I hold my hand before him and said “ mahraj hume sone do,” and slept.
After five minute “Abey utho yaar dekho yaar kya ho rha hai” still he did it.
“Mujhe link mail kar do bad me dekh lunga”. I asked and landed in never land.
This incident happens with me often because he has only authority to disturb me in my sleep. This time I am writing with smile on lips and a pain in heart thinking that who will rob my sleeping time as Sandy always does and I never mind. After few months there would be no such type of incident or activity that the guy lying on bed in just front room at the distance not more than 10 ft texting me “Bhai 6 baje jaga dena”. Yes I am spending twilight of my Btech life.
In these twilight days I am getting busier. I am making my own kingdom to live after this education. So soon because it is better to start earlier than delaying it further when I already have decided to do business in very beginning. What would I do when no company is visiting to this college? Those who visited, were not fulfilling my terms so I did not even appear in any of these companies written test. Because I have a bad habit to live my life on my own terms and I can’t negotiate with these terms even in worst condition. I never wanted to do job. This was my Papa who always wanted me to do job and at other side he is already to welcome my every will but I want to fulfill my Father’s wish but with my own condition as I am mirror image of my father. But above all he wants to see me happy in every condition even in bad situation seeing me struggling to resolve it. So I am confident he will not force me to do anything against my will. I know when I will tell him my plan he will get angry for one day and next morning he will definitely wake me up to give him company in jogging and to challenge my stamina.
Hmm I wanted to share one more thing with you people that I have some contact with those people since 1 year who are expert in making excuse. But what I can do? I believe on them and I have to admit their every excuse as truths. May be I will have to keep a man to send messages to those people who say to me that they don’t reply or forward messages. But they do this crap just right before my eyes. Still I believe on them because they say they don’t.
Oh! one thing also came in my mind that my few will wishers think that I am misguided. They asked me that I am heading on wrong way. I admit that I am misguided by my own instinct because I am taking U turn. Taking plunge is not so easy I understand the situation. Four years in engineering college. The most productive time of my life I spent in a confided campus. I am going in that field where engineering’s subjects don’t have any relation except some management subject. I think I need the proper definition of MISGUIDE word. Why this is different in two perspectives. Why this is different for different peoples? The people say me I became bad boy because I smoke and drink occasionally. If it is bad then the way I have to work to bring my dream into reality must be also wrong. I have to collect money so that I would not borrow any penny from any one. Sometimes failures in task give me frustration and I get tired because of exhausting continuous market analysis. Only one minute mistake ends up in heavy money loss and damages of my associative belief over me. If a boy drink to forget all those things for a night. Is this wrong? This is the life I have seen it from very close. And I could not understand it till now. It only taught me to remain silent and serious. And always a line what came in my mind when I try to understand it more.
“Ai jindagi chal tu hi bata de kaise tujhe jiya jaye, maan gaya ki mai galat tarike se ji rha hun”
Now my alarm is ringing this is 8 a.m. I can see the news paper “The Times of India” lying on the floor and this is the time to have a look over some national and international news and after that time to go in spiritual world mean to my temple mean to do exercise.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The Mess in EXAM
Friends, exam is over and now I am being nostalgic. As every time after the exam, I used to promise not to study whole syllabus in one night, rather decided to make proper notes and study through out semester. But promise is promise, if you don’t break it, it will become swear. So I kept promise as promise and did not study properly. I did that bullshit once more. As always I studied whole night and gave exam with half opened eyes. Hmm Let me tell you one interesting thing, I used to emphasize keep my self energized. For this consumption of coffee, sometimes tea, yummy Maggie and cigarette if any one came wondering into my room holding cigarette in fingers. It’s ridiculous to eat Maggie with feeling of fire under bottom. Coffee usually used to give refreshment but I had to battle for power nap. My room was perfect for study because of moderate temperature. But along with this, it was also cooking room as well as entertainment place. Yes an entertainment hub, every one was welcomed to disturb us for their mood refreshment.
On the eve of first paper I tried to concentrate on the topics as well as on my activity. But continuous bang on door did not let me concentrate at any thing. So I adopt simple solution and did not lock door internally. Even I used not to lock while sleeping. Abhishek, Ankur, Sandy & I, four idiots combated to gain marks. They all are EC student and I am from CS. So there were no lack of opportunities for me to get involve in EC’s subject discussion and confusion resolving session of many topic Vis a Vis satellite communication. I got opportunity to have understanding the EC’s department course laying a bet on my own subject. And consequence was that my concept was clearer about switching theory and satellite communication and at the other hand I was totally puzzled in my own subject during three hour of battle for marks. My mind was wandering with satellite in space feeling no gravity. The pin diagram used to came in my mind in place of block diagram of session and servelet life cycle.
In last paper no one was to disturb in my study because they were all drunk. They were busy in making dirty to bathroom from pukes. Few of them came to advice me and mock me as I am doing tapasya for immorality. They wanted me to give them company but last paper was DIP, it was so hard to bearing formulas in mind. Somehow last paper went good. After that I took deep puff on cigarette and gave relaxation to my night out. This last paper brought a feeling of accomplishment and a message one more semester to stay in MPEC.
This message was ending of fun and masti, departure from friends and juniors. Although I confided myself here from people, teachers and batch-mates; but friendship has its own ruse to encroach in life.
On the eve of first paper I tried to concentrate on the topics as well as on my activity. But continuous bang on door did not let me concentrate at any thing. So I adopt simple solution and did not lock door internally. Even I used not to lock while sleeping. Abhishek, Ankur, Sandy & I, four idiots combated to gain marks. They all are EC student and I am from CS. So there were no lack of opportunities for me to get involve in EC’s subject discussion and confusion resolving session of many topic Vis a Vis satellite communication. I got opportunity to have understanding the EC’s department course laying a bet on my own subject. And consequence was that my concept was clearer about switching theory and satellite communication and at the other hand I was totally puzzled in my own subject during three hour of battle for marks. My mind was wandering with satellite in space feeling no gravity. The pin diagram used to came in my mind in place of block diagram of session and servelet life cycle.
In last paper no one was to disturb in my study because they were all drunk. They were busy in making dirty to bathroom from pukes. Few of them came to advice me and mock me as I am doing tapasya for immorality. They wanted me to give them company but last paper was DIP, it was so hard to bearing formulas in mind. Somehow last paper went good. After that I took deep puff on cigarette and gave relaxation to my night out. This last paper brought a feeling of accomplishment and a message one more semester to stay in MPEC.
This message was ending of fun and masti, departure from friends and juniors. Although I confided myself here from people, teachers and batch-mates; but friendship has its own ruse to encroach in life.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Those two days
I still remember vividly when the tears were fighting to roll out from my eyes. This was the day when my father came on my departure at railway station along with my friend. This was the day when I was leaving my home and my friends. This was the day when I was becoming guest in my home. This was the day afterwards I have to be treated as a known stranger in my home. This was the day when I leaved Allahabad for Kanpur. This was the day when a living machine became emotional. This was 16th August, 2006. It became hard for me to say bye to my father in last time when the train sounded its whistle.
Since this day I had to merge with unknown people and settle in new place. I am lucky I got good company at my very first day of my hostel life. I met with Ankit Saxena. We became room mate. On first day of hostel I and Ankit locked ourselves in room because of fear of seniors. And approximately 4 ‘O’ clock we dared to come out from our room to meet with new comers in our wings. First we went to give shock to Ankur. I knocked the door. He came out.
“Good evening Sir”, these were his first words what he spoke with bending his back at 90 degree.
“kya hai bey”, those first word what came out through my lips and this BEY could not separate from my speech till now. There is another thing girls complain me that I don’t know how to talk with girl and they also don’t tell me how to talk when I ask. For some moment I and Ankit enjoyed pretending to be senior and chided to Ankur for his higher pitch. And after few minutes we told our truth and robbed his Barfi and NamakPara. This was my first robbery of edible items. Perhaps it was the effect of hostel environment when I felt hunger for good food at first time.
First day passed in fear of ragging. At last till 7:30 we were called to congregate at the common hall. Every senior, who seemed like devil at that time, treated with us like we are prisoner. They abused us and asked the rule what must be followed by us and forbade us not to go in another's room. The rule is made to break. So due to my moody nature I decided to violate the seniors rule. Ankit gave me company to not worry about seniors warning. This was the first time when rule violation seemed interesting to me. I was aware of consequences after being caught in another’s room but the taking risk has been inseparable part of my habit and this has been addiction too.
In this way I, Ankit and Ankur violated the rule and went to others students’ room in our wing. This was the great affability that we were treating with each other in very first day as we know each other since a long time. I find Anand Mohan as companion to make joke other, Amit as a dispute dissolver and Poornanand, the grandpa of our wing.
We enjoyed our first company to very late night, so second day we all were late for college and we had to ran to attend our first class of Btech. Here we encountered with our crush. This was the incident Ankur and Ankit had crush on same girl mean beginning of Btech’s competition. And at the end of the day we did not talked about study but we talked about girls. Because, every ones had rage on the lack of girls count in class. It seemed that only engineers have to struggle every where whether in college life for girlfriend and marks, and in real life for job and satisfaction. This was the first MASTI of my college life in MPEC. Every one of us seemed drown in love and was surpassing the Ranjha and Romeo. This was the day when we realized what is infatuation and what is love?
This was the day when we felt we have to care about each other. This was the day when we saw us as a family member of MPEC boys hostel. This was the day we learn t to resolve conflict and fight by our smile. This was the day when we learnt to make joke on each other. This was the day when we had dinner together.
Now I wish to live that two days’ life again. Again I want meet Ankit, Ankur, Anandmohan, Amit and Poornanand in those situations. I will have to leave MPEC in next few months. But I am lucky I got such type of friends in those first two days of my hostel’s life.
Since this day I had to merge with unknown people and settle in new place. I am lucky I got good company at my very first day of my hostel life. I met with Ankit Saxena. We became room mate. On first day of hostel I and Ankit locked ourselves in room because of fear of seniors. And approximately 4 ‘O’ clock we dared to come out from our room to meet with new comers in our wings. First we went to give shock to Ankur. I knocked the door. He came out.
“Good evening Sir”, these were his first words what he spoke with bending his back at 90 degree.
“kya hai bey”, those first word what came out through my lips and this BEY could not separate from my speech till now. There is another thing girls complain me that I don’t know how to talk with girl and they also don’t tell me how to talk when I ask. For some moment I and Ankit enjoyed pretending to be senior and chided to Ankur for his higher pitch. And after few minutes we told our truth and robbed his Barfi and NamakPara. This was my first robbery of edible items. Perhaps it was the effect of hostel environment when I felt hunger for good food at first time.
First day passed in fear of ragging. At last till 7:30 we were called to congregate at the common hall. Every senior, who seemed like devil at that time, treated with us like we are prisoner. They abused us and asked the rule what must be followed by us and forbade us not to go in another's room. The rule is made to break. So due to my moody nature I decided to violate the seniors rule. Ankit gave me company to not worry about seniors warning. This was the first time when rule violation seemed interesting to me. I was aware of consequences after being caught in another’s room but the taking risk has been inseparable part of my habit and this has been addiction too.
In this way I, Ankit and Ankur violated the rule and went to others students’ room in our wing. This was the great affability that we were treating with each other in very first day as we know each other since a long time. I find Anand Mohan as companion to make joke other, Amit as a dispute dissolver and Poornanand, the grandpa of our wing.
We enjoyed our first company to very late night, so second day we all were late for college and we had to ran to attend our first class of Btech. Here we encountered with our crush. This was the incident Ankur and Ankit had crush on same girl mean beginning of Btech’s competition. And at the end of the day we did not talked about study but we talked about girls. Because, every ones had rage on the lack of girls count in class. It seemed that only engineers have to struggle every where whether in college life for girlfriend and marks, and in real life for job and satisfaction. This was the first MASTI of my college life in MPEC. Every one of us seemed drown in love and was surpassing the Ranjha and Romeo. This was the day when we realized what is infatuation and what is love?
This was the day when we felt we have to care about each other. This was the day when we saw us as a family member of MPEC boys hostel. This was the day we learn t to resolve conflict and fight by our smile. This was the day when we learnt to make joke on each other. This was the day when we had dinner together.
Now I wish to live that two days’ life again. Again I want meet Ankit, Ankur, Anandmohan, Amit and Poornanand in those situations. I will have to leave MPEC in next few months. But I am lucky I got such type of friends in those first two days of my hostel’s life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)