The Mess in EXAM

Friends, exam is over and now I am being nostalgic. As every time after the exam, I used to promise not to study whole syllabus in one night, rather decided to make proper notes and study through out semester. But promise is promise, if you don’t break it, it will become swear. So I kept promise as promise and did not study properly. I did that bullshit once more. As always I studied whole night and gave exam with half opened eyes. Hmm Let me tell you one interesting thing, I used to emphasize keep my self energized. For this consumption of coffee, sometimes tea, yummy Maggie and cigarette if any one came wondering into my room holding cigarette in fingers. It’s ridiculous to eat Maggie with feeling of fire under bottom. Coffee usually used to give refreshment but I had to battle for power nap. My room was perfect for study because of moderate temperature. But along with this, it was also cooking room as well as entertainment place. Yes an entertainment hub, every one was welcomed to disturb us for their mood refreshment.
On the eve of first paper I tried to concentrate on the topics as well as on my activity. But continuous bang on door did not let me concentrate at any thing. So I adopt simple solution and did not lock door internally. Even I used not to lock while sleeping. Abhishek, Ankur, Sandy & I, four idiots combated to gain marks. They all are EC student and I am from CS. So there were no lack of opportunities for me to get involve in EC’s subject discussion and confusion resolving session of many topic Vis a Vis satellite communication. I got opportunity to have understanding the EC’s department course laying a bet on my own subject. And consequence was that my concept was clearer about switching theory and satellite communication and at the other hand I was totally puzzled in my own subject during three hour of battle for marks. My mind was wandering with satellite in space feeling no gravity. The pin diagram used to came in my mind in place of block diagram of session and servelet life cycle.
In last paper no one was to disturb in my study because they were all drunk. They were busy in making dirty to bathroom from pukes. Few of them came to advice me and mock me as I am doing tapasya for immorality. They wanted me to give them company but last paper was DIP, it was so hard to bearing formulas in mind. Somehow last paper went good. After that I took deep puff on cigarette and gave relaxation to my night out. This last paper brought a feeling of accomplishment and a message one more semester to stay in MPEC.
This message was ending of fun and masti, departure from friends and juniors. Although I confided myself here from people, teachers and batch-mates; but friendship has its own ruse to encroach in life.

Those two days

I still remember vividly when the tears were fighting to roll out from my eyes. This was the day when my father came on my departure at railway station along with my friend. This was the day when I was leaving my home and my friends. This was the day when I was becoming guest in my home. This was the day afterwards I have to be treated as a known stranger in my home. This was the day when I leaved Allahabad for Kanpur. This was the day when a living machine became emotional. This was 16th August, 2006. It became hard for me to say bye to my father in last time when the train sounded its whistle.
Since this day I had to merge with unknown people and settle in new place. I am lucky I got good company at my very first day of my hostel life. I met with Ankit Saxena. We became room mate. On first day of hostel I and Ankit locked ourselves in room because of fear of seniors. And approximately 4 ‘O’ clock we dared to come out from our room to meet with new comers in our wings. First we went to give shock to Ankur. I knocked the door. He came out.
“Good evening Sir”, these were his first words what he spoke with bending his back at 90 degree.
“kya hai bey”, those first word what came out through my lips and this BEY could not separate from my speech till now. There is another thing girls complain me that I don’t know how to talk with girl and they also don’t tell me how to talk when I ask. For some moment I and Ankit enjoyed pretending to be senior and chided to Ankur for his higher pitch. And after few minutes we told our truth and robbed his Barfi and NamakPara. This was my first robbery of edible items. Perhaps it was the effect of hostel environment when I felt hunger for good food at first time.
First day passed in fear of ragging. At last till 7:30 we were called to congregate at the common hall. Every senior, who seemed like devil at that time, treated with us like we are prisoner. They abused us and asked the rule what must be followed by us and forbade us not to go in another's room. The rule is made to break. So due to my moody nature I decided to violate the seniors rule. Ankit gave me company to not worry about seniors warning. This was the first time when rule violation seemed interesting to me. I was aware of consequences after being caught in another’s room but the taking risk has been inseparable part of my habit and this has been addiction too.
In this way I, Ankit and Ankur violated the rule and went to others students’ room in our wing. This was the great affability that we were treating with each other in very first day as we know each other since a long time. I find Anand Mohan as companion to make joke other, Amit as a dispute dissolver and Poornanand, the grandpa of our wing.
We enjoyed our first company to very late night, so second day we all were late for college and we had to ran to attend our first class of Btech. Here we encountered with our crush. This was the incident Ankur and Ankit had crush on same girl mean beginning of Btech’s competition. And at the end of the day we did not talked about study but we talked about girls. Because, every ones had rage on the lack of girls count in class. It seemed that only engineers have to struggle every where whether in college life for girlfriend and marks, and in real life for job and satisfaction. This was the first MASTI of my college life in MPEC. Every one of us seemed drown in love and was surpassing the Ranjha and Romeo. This was the day when we realized what is infatuation and what is love?
This was the day when we felt we have to care about each other. This was the day when we saw us as a family member of MPEC boys hostel. This was the day we learn t to resolve conflict and fight by our smile. This was the day when we learnt to make joke on each other. This was the day when we had dinner together.
Now I wish to live that two days’ life again. Again I want meet Ankit, Ankur, Anandmohan, Amit and Poornanand in those situations. I will have to leave MPEC in next few months. But I am lucky I got such type of friends in those first two days of my hostel’s life.

THE MARRIAGE CARD

A small misunderstanding can lead us to doom and small effort can lead us to ultimate satisfication, this is the life anything can happen anytime, it contains many stories within. Perhaps the life has been made of stories itself from beginning to end, and just when it seems one is ending, a new one begins. The world itself is woven of stories, each man and woman and child like us threading our own brightly colored tale into the bigger story that was already being told as we were born, and that will continue to be woven by others long after our threads have run out…
So this is blog about me and about my best friend who is my love…..
Because of some misunderstanding we had break up 3 and half year ago. But I loved her unconditionally what if I had break up with her.
In mid Novermber, I was home. One day I saw her while I was on the terrace, talking with lawyer about loop holes by going through I could raise my profit. Suddenly, she came before my eyes; she was trying to cross the road and making sure that no vehicle is approaching fast. She saw me but ignored me as I was not there. What it happened! I was expecting she come to see me and will hug me or will try to tease me. But these did not happen. One thing I noticed that she is having a different glow on her face and she is having a poised mixture of beauty and hotness. She is now no more same thin girl I knew.
In that day at the time of evening tea, my momma gave me shocking news that she is going to married in couple of days. I showed no expression of surprise (but inside I was totally shocked) and asked naturally on what date she will be having marriage.
My mother told me that she does not know the date. In evening I was walking with my friend in a colony meanwhile I got my answer from marriage card what her friend gave me. There was no name at the envelope. Maybe it was especially for me with no name on envelope, because my favorite perfume’s smell was my name on the envelope. Her friend told me that she desperately wants me to attend her marriage. I had no choice left to think. Only I could do two work 1)I must not go in marriage party 2) I must try to stop marriage. Second option was good for me and more dangerous too, if I would try it, I will be shot in my head by my elder brother. Here I did not opt any option. I decided to attend her marriage to fulfill her will.
On the day of her marriage I attended many parties before attending her, I drunk myself in such a condition in those parties so that no one could force me to dance on the beats of DJ. Her brother forced me to dance once but my friends forbade him to take me there. Here I decided to stay until the party finish. All the time I had wine glass in my hand. I bumped myself on chair in middle of first row which was just right before the bride’s seat. In red bride attire she was looking beautiful as I imagined. The all picture was flashing before my eyes what I decorated with my thought but the reality was with a little difference. In the place of groom, there was some else where I had been supposed to be. When all the things happened and she was about to leave the stage she looked at me. There was aberration in her looking as if she is forbidding me to leave that wine glass by her eyes. I did thumbs up and said ALL THE BEST pretending smile on my lips. After this I left the place leaving the glass as it was in my hand.
While I was leaving the party I felt that I have lost a precious gift which compensation is not possible. Perhaps, I will regret throughout my life by not understanding her value in my life. If I am still a sensitive human being only because of her. Perhaps I lost one person, who used to help me in every walk of my past life. Perhaps I lost the person who gave me emotions. Perhaps I lost the person who taught me feel sorry on wrong doing. Perhaps I lost the person who taught me to confront problems without losing patient. Perhaps I lost myself.

A new face of college’s life and a glimpse of future

After a long while, here I am back. Yes this time many massive things happened with me, first thing the person, on whom I was trying to believe, came with a new face like selfish and self centered. And second I recently recovered from viral fever, the experience was very pathetic of this fever. What stamina I lost in this fever, will take time of more than 6 month to recover. And the one reason of no new posting is busy schedule; don’t ask how our college life is this time, sorry school life. Since continuous last two semesters we have to pay fine on class bunk. No college like feelings in us, we are in 4^th year and we have to attend class only to improve marks, indirectly to improve college’s ranking. Mean we are the medium of making more money at each donation at admission time. The college administrator is not concerned with our job, only they have a large board of companies in which our few seniors are working what they made it through their own way. Thank God that time this system was not there, otherwise they would be somewhere on the road in place of any company. First lab used to be a part of daily curriculum now, our college have more courses, for that they don’t have class room to conduct class. So lab period and lab activities have been compromised and now in lab regular classes are being conducted. And lab work is going in only on file’s pages. Definitely college administrator is intended to produce a good quality batch of unemployeed technical labor in place of a batch of confidance engineers. And when we will be out from this college we’ll have degree and unemployement as the farewell gift.

Few peoples are very smart they have aimed for GATE and CAT but I don’t know how they are going to make up themselves for these when they don’t get chance and time from regular 5 classes and plus few extra class. Ok no more praise for college otherwise it is going to affect my internal marks if any teacher goes through this blog.

Ok I want to tell you about one senior he is my favorite one whom I met before some days ago. I will not go epesodic let me start from meeting. For you people this meeting might seem ordinary but it was extraordinary for me. When I met him I could not believe I am talking with the same person or some one other. I still remember his one year’s before face always smile on lips, a good sense of humour and having clear vision for future. But this time everything was difference about him. I have never seen him in such a under confidance, his face were having haunted expression. “ Sir problem kya hai, aap me wo shine kyun nahi hai jo mai dekhna chahta hun.” I pried. He responsed, “ I am perfect Pradeep.” It was me, how can I admit that he is perfect. Ok Sir! Leave it I am not going to ask anything from you about your health. Let’s talk about my career. He agreed on that. From the conversation it became clear that he is very much frustrated, it is obvious that having degree of B.TECH with honour and no job yet. Seeing that I could not wait any longer and gave him some tips to get rid off from this problem. Before some days ago I met him now this was the same what I know, I asked, “ How are you sir?”

“Fuck this damn way of asking condition, I am right dude”, he said in his accent. And I know it he use such type of sentence when he is full of confidance. He told me he is learning the very popular technology .NET and approximate making more than 8000 Rs. in a month. I have self satisfication and condemnation too that my suggestion work properly with other and never go smoothly with me. I am satisfied that I have solved my favorite one’s problem and most probably he will have job untill or unless but the most people what will be doing after this four years’ graduation.

As you can agree on this that we are going to out from this college as a technical labor not as an engineer. No extra talent with us except good marks as our college administrator is doing abortive attempt to improve our result. But administrator is not intended to conduct any special course which can be usefull for our future nor giving time to us to it ourselves. And the best of luck to those peoples including me who filled the GATE and CAT’s form for their examination. Because how they are going to make up themselves for these examinations after everyday attending 5 or 7 period in college? It might be possible that our administrator will have provision to conduct revision class and want to give leave to preparation only for 4 days for end semester.

Really this idea seems brilliant!!!!

And the new thing is now on and shocking is that my gilrfriend is getting married soon and she gave me her marriage card. I could not understand whether this was her marriage card or the dead certificate of my love.

An abortive attempt of gearing up to future venture…

After coming in 4^th year, I am feeling vulnerable about my future. No company visited to my college untills now and even I did not find any opportunity to present myself before the interviewer. It becomes more painful and frustrating when someone reminds this. My alter ego did this shit before somedays. He pried me, “Pradeep, yaar aagey kya hoga”.

Ignoring the gravity of his question I simply replied in my tone, for what I am known,”Jo hoga manjure khuda hoga.”

Abhishek asked me to be sincere and serious. I thought for a moment and I asked him,”Abhishek I did not want to do job but want some professional experience, after having some experience I will start my entrepreneurship.” Abhishek chuckled,” I just want to do same”.

I again remind him that’s why we are alter ego to each other. This is not any coincidence that along with having shirt of same color and same designs our thoughts match too. He nodded his head at the end of my sentence. Then, I asked him, “Abhishek I feel very shame to take money from Papa and now I am in 4^th year mean few months to go to face the reality of the world.” He said,” I think there is no problem with you, as you are already a good client dealer, a jewelery designer and you have a good experience of construction work.” “ Yes, it is but I just leaved those things three years back and leaving them was my decision, what do you want, I should prove that my decision was wrong, no, how can my decision be wrong.” I said in frustrating manner. Observing the situation (perhaps he was blaming himself to starting this fuck) he suggested me why you do not search project on internet which can give you some bucks. I said,” I have fucked my marks and percentage already and it is not less than any hell for me because of this I don’t have time to involve in making project for some bucks”.

He worked as a panacea and suggested me another idea to invest money in companies ‘ shares. This idea seemed me terrific. This idea rose the curiosity in my inner soul, I collected the information to start this from the google. To take this plan in reality, I went home to open Dmat account for online business and also applied for PAN card without telling anything to any one in home. And returned to hostel after telling my younger brother to receive the parcel if any is coming and don’t inform to Papa about this. Now I needed at least 20 thousand to start all of this. For money, I had two alternatives either borrow money from my friend or ask directly from my papa. First idea was safe but I did not want any help from my friend. And second was like throwing cracker into fire in this hope that it will not explode because he knows me well that I never will be need such amount of money for good work. Ignoring the future condition I decided to convince my father.

Usually I don’t call my father, always I receive call. But for this, one day in evening, I made call to flatter my father, knowing this that my father can give me money to throw into Sangam but cant give me any penny to invest in business because of some my past stupid ideas. With receiving my call my father asked me, “ Sab kuchh thik hai beta.” Evaluating my Papa mood and finding the situation in my favor, I asked for money. And again found that the shit already has hit the fan because my father had received the DMAT account paper before my brother. And this time I am supposed to listen him 5 minute without speaking any word except pronouncing Hmmmm. I dropped my cellphone in Speaker mode kept it on the table and listened keeping my hand on my cheek. Mean no chance to start. After all this I went to see
Abhishek to tell him the entire episode. He just made me relaxed saying,” Don’t worry dude, Hota hai.” And he asked me to have beer. I thanked him and forbade to having beer saying that no drink in 4^th year and till the time I get my first salary in my hand. Listening this, I don’t know what happened to him, he stood up with beer’s cane and opened the window and threw them. I was dazed on his doing and asked him stupid those cane cost was 120 Rs. He replied with smile,” me too, is bounded from same promise and said our thinking also match”. I completed his sentence saying that we are alter ego to each other. We sat for some moment, I interrupted him saying that Abhishek , I am feeling drinking. “OK! Let’s have some milk from Sathi’s shop”, he said. I made a phone call to junior to come in my room gave him money to bring milk. Juniour did not take much time to bring it. I thanked him while taking milk pouch from him. I asked Abhishek,” Abe glass le aoo”. I poured the milk in glass waited until it got cool and finished it in shot with saying cheers.

I am right, you are right, So, who is wrong? Part--2

Summer Vacation:

I did not talk with any group member through out vacation. And when college was about to open I called to Sanjhi to know how she is and to complain her to being so miser that she even did not think to call. She again made a perfect excuse which locked my lips (Again Searching techniques). While the conversation she asked whether I will be with them or not. I did not give any sure answer and gave her some hint that I would be working with Nitin and Kamran. Second day I called Vivek. Here the situations are different which brought smile on my face that he wants to work with us. I had mixed feeling and anticipation of future’s circumstance too. But I was thinking that this time I would not let him dominate. Due to my bad habbit and addiction of making call, after some days I again called Sanjhi and asked her that Vivek is ready to work with us. And I want to carry on work on previous project with Vivek. She replied that she wants to make a new project and on the name of Vivek, she was silent. Her silence was a hint for me. And I had known that what is going to happen next. I asked her too that most probably I might form a new group.

Beginning of 7^th Semester:

Vivek did not ask me anything about project and group, and I also did not want to talk about that. This time I did not want to form a group with Nitin and Kamran because I had the heated argument with Nitin and I had said him very harsh word which hurted him very much. I had asked Nitin sorry for all what happened, but it was not easy to wash up all the matter and the things were not going to same as it was earlier. Kamran had to do work with Nitin. So I did not have any option, a touched had been devloped with all members. Vivek did not ask me for the group. So I came with Sanjhi. My group was same with a little different. Vivek was not in the group. For this I was realizing odd and guilty that I could not bring all member together. But I had to accept reality. It was certain in such type of decision that some one would be hurt. Many time Vivek passed bitter comment on me for all of those things. I could not give counter reply to him; instead of giving him reply I diverted his mind to my so called love who was never mine.

3^rd August (Friendship day):

This day I came online to wish my friend and seniors around 6 pm. I saw that Vivek is online. I had forgotten to wish him friendship day because of excess load of phone call. I poked him and wihsed him happy friedship day. While the chatting I made out from his typed word that he is very sad due to our decision and he is feeling bad. I felt sorry from bottom of my heart. I had to take decision against my mind and principle. I did what my heart said to do. I forced some one to do somethings because I had to make him comfortable and easy. I cannont disclose that person name here and what that person did at that time. I knew my activity was not proper; it was cheap but played a great role. This again made our friendship stronger. And its result seemed on 5^th August. It was really good result indeed. Again I was busy in thinking………………

I am right, you are right, So, who is wrong? Part--1

As I entered in 6th sem, it was really good feeling that soon I will be in 4th year. In 6th sem again i had to make the mini project in group. This time I had to make a new group. It was a good opporutunity for me that Vivek Mishra kept the offer before me to be part of his group. I was very glad that I will get a chance to work with a very –very dedicated and workaholic person. It was a good chance that I will head toward the hard work in study leaving my laziness and I will give some time to project from the part of my day schedule. That day, for some hour I had a myth that my group size is only two (me and Vivek Mishra) and that was the best thing. But after some hour I was introduced with three others personality Sonam, Sanjhi and Titiksha. I was in dilemma whether I should be continuing with Vivek or should be search another person for own group. Beacause my past experience with the girl was not so good that I could even think to work with girls. My interaction with my school’s girl was not healthy due to my proudy nature. Usually I used to seek the chance to mess up with the class girls. Sometimes gals complained the princi against me and I some time escaped from punishment and some time was punished too. It did not bring any change in me but it made relation worst with them. I was confused whether to go with Vivek or to make new group.
This time I fliped the coin, took decision to work with Vivek and not to be very strict that time. First introduction was not much interisting but I got a chance to read their (girls’) nature.
Sonam is smart and very tough gal but she listen carefully other by which she can be convinced easily with proper argument.
Titiksha is Bindas by nature and talkative cute doll. If you are with her, you need not to do or speak anything. Just tune her like radio she will continue on that frequency.:)
Sanjhi, she is still unexplored for me, I could not understand her due to her mysterious nature. One thing I usually observed she pretend to listen carefully but she does not listen and she is also expert in making excuse. While I am with her, I never find her with me, usually I found a facade on her face. I am trying to find out which searching technique she is using to make excuse according to arised situation. . :)
Siddhartha Sir assigned us a project to work through out semester. There was nothing in project except an algorithm, what we had to devlop. The most interisting part of the project was that I resolved the fight more than doing work or say I did not do anything.
Beginnig of problem: First Sonam had argument with Vivek and I had to resolve the matter because I don’t want the dissimination of the group. Soon conversation became smooth due to our collective efforts. After few days Sanjhi messed up with Vivek and this time it was being seen hard to resolve the matter. And Siddhartha Sir warned us that if you are not changing, he would dissiminate the group. For group sake I became a little bit diplomatic and persuaded both of them.
I could not flee from the same situtation, after few months I had bad arguements with Vivek and after argument we both did not talk with each other for 4 or 5 days. After some times I realized that due to this action a big problem is hovering on group. So I decided to initiate conversation. In place of having direct conversation I decided to interact with him through FACEBOOK. Vivek wrote a very good about the freindship and I put the bitter and true comment on that.
“But the friendship becomes hell if no one is ready to understand.”
It worked and Vivek put a comment on my comment.
“But the understanding should be mutual.”

Yes, this was right too. Due to this next day we were talking again.
As I told that I did not work on project, my role was to make compromisation among the group members. The whole project was made by Vivek. I was learning JSP and had learnt almost enough part that I could make a good project. But as soon as it came to my knowledge that project has been worked out. So I just leaved the learning and headed towards my prior work. Every one had regret and complain too that they did not get chance to do anything.
In viva voce, only Vivek made out everything. We were numb because we did not do anything due to having no practical knowledge every question became hard to answer. Sonam and Sanjhi answered the few questions. But it was tough very tough for me to answer the question without having practical and I was a little bit upset too. Titiksha also did not answer. And after all we all had marks as a charity excluding Vivek. He asked us that we all got 25 plus which did not bring any smile on our face.