The Dream and Obstacles on the way-3

One day, I was walking with my friend in Ganga barrage. The day was same as it was used to. I have a habit to walk in lonely place where i connect to myself. I had pressure of leaving Allahabad it was direct signal that I will not stay here. Maybe I was avoiding the feeling which was indicating that I am not welcomed here. Why? I don't understand the reason. Finally I had broken the silence and told everyone that I would start from this very place.

"No doubt! Many of you would suffer some loss. I want all rewards of my work whatever I have done till now," I said, “And as I am not concentrating on one business, so it's likely that in reward I don't want money, you keep this. All I want my contacts, helpers, dealers and the name you do work with. As there is only one person this time with me to help, so you can enjoy the luxury of being dominant till then," I told in a party.

After hearing this many came to cajole me, "you have good education and you can have good job. Why are you being trapped in this 99's dilemma?"
99's dilemma is considered as something is missed. It literally shows hunger, ambition and greed. It's like creating a target and after achieving it, a guilt come to haunt that the bastard you did not try hard, you could have more juice in that.

But I was adamant on my decision. Only thought was with me "let's do it. Now or never." I was not thinking for myself. My action was about to create more than 100 jobs directly or indirectly at the very beginning. I was crafting a big picture, a beautiful picture. I know I would have to be on my toe all the time, if I am dealing with peoples. But second day my father decided I would not stay in Allahabad. I could choose any place in India to live except U.P. Really surprising! I will not stay in U.P.?
"I am asked to leave U.P. which is still virgin in many areas. The time I move ahead to exploit opportunity, I am asked to leave. What the hell I would do in any other cities? What I did all times, remain here leaving me misfit to society?", I said to my father, " your decision is ruining me, may be you will lose me, maybe I will lost somewhere and you would not be able to search. You are not thinking. Just think! What I want?" and handed him a file.
"Please read it. Take your time. I can wait for good." I said.

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I got surprise on second day, the surprise I didn't want to have.
"You are leaving Allahabad. Get your ticket reserved as soon as possible. And if you don't get it, I don't care how you go?" Very strict words from my father.
I pleaded, I wept, I fainted but I could not deter his decision. My Papa is more stubborn than me.

My Papa's decision gave me a jerk. It upset me from my heart. My mind was not in state to think anything else. I just wanted loneliness for me. I confined myself within the home. One day I felt that my skin is getting pale in lack of sunlight and lack of physical work I was getting weaker. So, I decided to go outside to have some walk.

This was my third day in Ganga barrage. Me and my friend(Joker- Every one calls him by this name) used to be first disturbing the sand in evening. But this day someone had already walked on. I asked Joker to light the cigarette. Because I just want my mind diverted from all those things what happened few days before. The stress was driving me crazy. I smoked first and asked him to light another. He refused but when I insisted then he lit another and asked me not to throw the butt in bush.

I was just silently moving across the river bank and my friend was just getting bored from my silence. Suddenly a man emerged from the nearby bush and just pointed a hand made gun(katta) over my forehead.

"Oh! God..." was the word when I got the situation. He kept looking in my eyes, I in his. After few seconds my mind just started imagining everything I love and stomach felt thousand of butterflies as I will shit in next second. I did not know what to say. My mind was just getting angry and screaming just don't freak me out! Disappear or shoot.


"Abe trigger daba", were the words what came out in that situation.

And next second I listened a clique sound. I did not know what happened when the guy turned back, the bullet got fired. I was seeing joker and joker was chasing him madly. I scream at him," nahi Joker chhod use jane de." I realized that the bullet did not get fire on time. Sometime... most of the time hand made gun(katta) deceives on time and it is cheaply available in Allahabad like city.
Joker turned back and ran toward me and asked,"Abe kaise ho?" And help me to stand.

"Ye kaun tha sala, kahi tune to fielding nahi lagwai thi? Q ki mujhe tujh par kabhi wiswas nahi hota, tu sale kuch bhi kar sakta hai" I just threw harsh word over him.

"Nahi bhai, humka nahi mulum, pata nahi ee kauun rha. Tum rok liyo nahi yahi ooka niptayit." He said in soft voice in Allahabadi accent.


My mind was reacting bizarre. I could feel the heat in my body. I just slammed on the sand and tried to remain awake. Next moment I was unconscious. This did not happen because of fear. This happened because of anger. He patted my cheek helped me reach the Ganga's water. I got wet my hair and face completely. And this water was drenching my jeans.

I reconcile myself and just tried to imagine the situation. And I got few clue to find that man. I told joker to have few peoples for his company and asked him how to get that man and ordered him immediately get that man's in and out. I asked him plan and also told him how to recognize. I studied psychology's few book few month ago, when I finished I realized that it was the misuse of time. Now, that psychology's books were helping me to think by putting myself in that man shoes who tried to kill me.

Next day, by morning, I had all the details. The man was killing me only for 15 thousands rupee. I discovered that he is very poor because of this he had to do. He needed that money to to get rid from the debt and his wife's treatment. I asked him to show that gun. He refused when I build the pressure and put my gun over his forehead. Of course it was my turn to exercise the power. I smelled barrel, its gunpowder smell was fresh. And the worst thing is that he is addicted to gambling. His wife told me.

I can't help such type of man. All I could give him money for gambling by purchasing his gun. I just tossed 2000 Rs over him and advice,"goli ko istemal karne se pehle dhup dikha diya karo." I am sure he would not spend this money on his wife's treatment. And the pathetic part of the incident was that whole plan was designed by the man I respect the most. I have great respect for him. I follow his order like a good servant without thinking anything.

By 1 p.m. I left the home to go Khaga( A town in Fatehpur district). I spotted him purchasing vegetable in Local market. I went over and touched his feet.

"Jite raho beta... jite raho" he blessed me.

"Jite raho na bola karen... pata nahi kab apki duaye kisi aur k liye problem ban jaye..." I said smiling.

He smiled at me and asked,"Chal ghar chal, teri behne yaad kar rhi thi kal"

I followed him. I touched the eldest sister feet. She repeated the same blessing jite raho.

I wonder, one wants me dead and his daughter blessing me to live long. In his blessing there was crookedness and in other the purity.

I asked," Bachchi kaha hai.? Dikh nahi rhi?" by ogling in room She answered,"Coaching gayi hai"

I noticed nervousness on his face when i saw him but he controlled himself brilliantly. Now, it was confirmed that it was his plan.

I had snack what my sister made. I just teased her,"bahut bekar bana hua hai" and she pulled the plate and said,"nahi milega. jao!" And after seeing me struggling for the food she placed the plate on table.

She makes the delicious things I could travel 160 k.m. every day to have such delicious food. I asked the permission from her to let me go. First she refused and when I reasoned her she left me with promise that if I travel through this rout I will definitely come.

Tau accompanied me till the door. But I insisted him to come with me for few reasons. I stopped the bike and got off. I just asked him," When you are marrying your daughters?"

"Why?" He asked.

I answered, "Because I don't want to make them orphan. I want them all to have married in good families soon. I want you dead and do me favor please don't tell them what you did to me and what I want with you?" and I continued, “Use your money in good cause. So marry them soon. I advice transfer all the money on their names. So i could not have any difficulty in my execution. Don't worry I will have respect for you forever. I promise I will shoulder you."

I touched his feet and left him in middle way and headed to home. In the way I thought about my Papa. My Papa never refused anything when I went for permission and he supported me as well. But this time, He just ordered me leave state. He always gave me reason whenever he refused for anything but this time the reason was not described by him.

It's weird...

Where is life heading? It's weird to track it out. It's making me freak. I am sitting at the distance of 2400km and missing home badly. Really these feelings hurt. I know it's better to go back but life has its own trick to make you realize that you are so small against me. On the day of Holi, I was getting continuous call and each call was like a bullet. Everyone has a single question are you home I am coming to your place? Really, It was very odd for me. I could not say, "Hmm! Abe phone karke puch rahe ho, aa nahi sakte? jaldi aoo hum sab tumhara hi intezar kar rhe hai?".

But I don't understand myself that I am here to do the job. I was questioned in a telephonic interview," What is your salary expectation?" My answer was "MORE." The company HR was silent on my answer for a while and asked me to come at the office as soon as I could make. It's not all about the salary and environment. It's about the numbers, I like big, five or six digits don't satisfy me. It's all about the things I like to do. I believe in ups and down. Ups, to make me realize the importance of physical leisure and downs to make me furious about the situation and forcing me to seek the new ways. The city, where I am staying, is Bangalore. It's called the city of dream. The name is right. But I observed it closely, sorry observing is my bad habit and peoples complain me about this, and what I find here peoples come with dreams in their eyes and after few months they see their dreams disappearing from their eyes. Pathetic.... And after sometimes they become the crowd. I want to leave this city as soon as possible because I love my dreams and I never want to lose what I love.

Let me be true, here, my physical condition is very bad. I am under medication and if I don't care about my health and food I take, I invite more problems. And second thing I find myself that I don't need to have more exposure. I was brought up in poverty and this experience dwarfs any other exposure. I can survive in any place. But I don't want to survive rather I want to live. I am in my way to make a businessman. I am happy by getting positive response. I am in my way to be king of my own will. I want to forget the no. how many business I do. I am going to be rich and I never doubt it. My hunger is getting bigger and my risk appetite is being larger. It's weird to take risk for these emotions. One day my Papa wished to see my portfolio and after seeing that he became angry and threw many questions on me. "Are you mad? Where is your sense? Why there is only one company in your list?" My answer was simple big gain. This is not an easy task, you have to be dead for 1000 times and you have to kill your ego for thousands times. And the chap like me whose ego was like Antartica, is in share market. Really, it's weird.

The Dream and Obstacles on the way-2

I am home since the college is over because of fitness. Now, I have recovered a lot but still I am not allowed to work and interact face to face with the public . Before, being at home it used to be a leisure. But excess of anything cause boredom. I want to go outside of the home to do something worthwhile. As, I am making good money just sitting in home. But money is not everything. I want something more precious than money "the stability of my Identity".

I have learnt from my experience that don't chase the money, chase the substance and money will chase it. That's what I did in past. I gave attention on learning. And my learning paid me. I am a jeweler, an engineer, a real state dealer, trader of BSE and NSE and a banker. Everything helped me a lot to understand the other.

Here, I have stuck in game of push and pull. I don't want to do job and my Papa wants me to do. My Papa is my hero. He made his identity from nothing. I can't disobey Papa but even I can't push my dreams forth. I just want them right now. I have told Papa that I am better in working with people than machine but he is not ready. My dreams are like drugs to me. They fascinate me. They force me to go beyond my potential. I am furious and aggressive to bring them in reality. No other things hypnotized me so much except love. If someone else would have tried to prevent me, I would crush him. But unfortunately that is my Papa. Here, I am helpless.

I only know working without someone else order. I know implementing my decision. I am very familiar with the process from plan to execution.

I need a good sum to expand real estate business but I don't understand how does an engineer's job will give me such amount and if this is giving me, it would take more than half decade to have that much money with a very good pay scale. And the most important thing that the job will eat my time. For me, Engineering was all about to learn the technology. But people, including My Papa, took it in wrong sense. That's right I sat in few companies college recruitment but what is truth behind the scene no one knows. I was greedy about their training because few companies have the best training program. I want to earn hundreds in a week, thousand in month and million by the end of the year. Everyone is teaching me to climb the ladder in career. But is this wrong to have the thought to be rich enough to buy your own ladder?

Some peoples are afraid of that if I enter in jewelery market, I would shed bad impact on the market and will reduce the margin. Jeweler market is the place where I grew up. I still live and breath it. Papa says that if I enter, I would ruin few people's business and will make enemies that would be major threat to my life." You can't make your success without making any enemy. I am not fond of making enemy. This is the life I can't make everyone happy. I don't care what peoples consider me. This is up to them whether they consider me friend or enemy. Their blood have same color as mine and they will also bleed when they would get wounded. There is one thing crystal clear If you want to do business, get along to me, if you can't, defeat me before I do or just start counting your turn. People say that I am greedy. We people assign the GREED name to this lovely emotion for lack of better word. I think that GREED is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies cut through and captures the essence of evolutionary spirits. Greed, in all of its forms... Greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed pushes us ahead for betterment.

Yes, I am greedy about money and the things I like. What is my fault if available things do not feed my hunger? Sometimes, I take severe risk to make money. I know only one thing If you can make money, then make it. I used to cover 5 k.m. distance on foot from school to home in scorching noon to save only 1 Rs. I know the importance of 1 Paisa. Sometimes, my order in worth of 7 digit get rejected in shorts of few Paisa and few second delay cause loss in 4 digit. But again, I say, "money is not everything." In my network, there are both type of peoples good and bad. Bad peoples would be bad for other, they are very generous for me. They work incredibly. They are the best source of information. They provide me information in no time. As, the information is the most valuable commodity and it has value when it is received on time.I have reached at such line which is cusp of black and white world. But my values do not give me permission to cross the line. And the point where I am standing is gray, so I would keep loving the gray world.

Here, I want to give messages to people who really want to be something and who want to be stand apart from the other.
1. Know little about a lot. This is contradicting with the prevailing thought "Be specialist." First one make you owner and second one make you servant.
2. Stay hungry

Now What?

It has been so long I did not interact with most of you. I am a little bit busier, not like before because as I had to bunk class to take rest, in work. Here at home, I love being a businessman. I can sport professionalism and no one blames that you are being inhuman. I have to shut my eyes and mind for any relationship type of things during 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Meanwhile no friends because such type of creature have ability to touch the heart and the big problem is with me I am week with heart. So, I stopped making friends, now I make only partner or coworker.
Sometimes few peoples claim to me , “Why do you not act with softness?” But this question does not matter with me. “Hate me or love me, I am that’s way”.
The things what matter most, the completion of work on time and fully satisfied customers. Alas!! This is not going to sustain longer because I have to leave Allahabad soon. This is only contract for few days and after that I am not allowed to remain longer in city, my father wants me to do job.
In evening time, after the work, I never forget to call my old friends or seeing them. I am lucky that I got few friends whom I can say, “they are my buddies.” They make me, me. Sometimes they make me laugh; they make me serious and sometimes sad. Sometimes they unfold old memories and sometimes they make wonderful memory to be treasured. Making practical jokes are common thing but sometimes they idiots dig the soft spot,” LOVE”. Sometimes, they make me remind her out of sudden. They know better I am very stubborn about the things from childhood… I like only one thing and don’t compromise with this. I should not have loved her but what I would do the love of first sight is very dangerous and I could not escape from it. I started loving her from very first day of college when Chandra sir was taking my introduction and she was smiling at my goofs and look. Today and that day are same for me because I have same feeling about her what I had that day. I am already desirous about her and they add fuel in fire by making me remember her. This is fact I love her but never want anything in return.
Once I asked her to be friend but she refused by saying it, “ Ab kya fayda!! Clg is over… hum log ja rahe hai.”
She was searching benefit in friendship. I know that I did some bad activities and she had to face some problems but finally I realized my mistakes and ask for apology. I appreciate that she gave me pardon so easily. I know she is good at heart but when I will be able to touch her heart, I don’t know.
I think I kept rattling on at this love thing. She would be angry when she will go through this blog. Once again I will make her angry. This is the problem with me whenever I want to do anything good, when she was concerned, always goes opposite from the intention.
Sometimes few college’s friends also come in memory. Few of them are in continuous touch via mail, msg, phone call and chatting. Sometimes few of them call from unknown no. to puzzle me and give hint to recognize and at the end of call the contact is updated. But there also few people who did not bother to give their new no. Such type of people are very ridiculous, they want to forget their past and past’s people but they forget one basic thing whatever they are today because of their past and peoples who helped them in any manner. And one major thing they are forgetting before forgetting their so called past, is that they are living in such a world called global village and in village’s peoples care much about. Nothing can be hidden from other villagers. So their updated no. come silently onto my cell in the form of message and this no. is also updated.

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Now, I tell you one accident. I was coming from Lucknow to Allahabad by train as usual in general coach packed with rush. There, I met with a guy coming back from counseling.
I figured it out on seeing the document with uptu’s logo. I pried him,” Are you coming from counseling?”
He corrected me and said, “I am not coming back from counseling, I went to take allotment later.”
“Which college did you chose?”, I questioned.
He answered with proud and smile, “Maharana Pratap Engineering College Kanpur” as he won red fort.
I was shocked that he was allotted MPEC and smiling. May he can see his dark future in mpec.
“Why did you choose this college? Did you not get any college in NCR? How this came in your mind to chose mpec?”, I threw a bunch of question on him.
He replied smartly, “The College in under 30 in u.p. and the placement is 100% and more than 60 companies came for campus placement this year including Infosys, tcs and wipro type top mncs. And in mpec companies don’t choose student, students choose company.”
Hearing this I must be proud on my college because he knows few facts as it was under 30 in up wipro came in my college. But he does not know wipro came but only to take written test. I don’t want to boast of my achievement that I have cleared the written test and still did not get any interview date. Because it was an inauspicious day I decided to sit in campus placement program and gave first written test of any company of my life and after coming out from room I called my papa and said him I have cleared the wipro’s written test. This day I changed my career plan and the consequence is that I will have to look a job. I wanted to come home as loser to live my dream, so that I could do business because the business I wanted to do, does not need any qualification it only wants determination, self trust, networking, interpersonal skill, assessing the peoples’ mind and vision. I am victim of college tactics and he is poor consumer who was tempted by advertisement and victim of corporate marketing as mpec invest a big part of its income in advertisements.
Yes, that guy was right but let me explain where he was right. College used to be under 30 and good visiting companies don’t select students from our college because our college system don’t polish the shortcoming of the students, so students’ skill don’t par with companies’ standards and students select company because no good company comes for campus placement so student select from alternative whether they have to sit or not.
I had to do duty of an ex mpecian and social worker. I had to save his future so I told him reality and gave him instance of myself and suggest him to go for recounseling .
When I detrained at Prayag station I was feeling good that at least I prevent that guy to being one from us. He will not face the question as we are facing. NOW WHAT?

The dream & obstacles on the way…

One dream always teases me. This dream makes me restless and always hovered in my mind. This dream affects my attitude and the way I think. This dream boosts my confidence towards the future this dream always make me pragmatic.
Let me start from very beginning once my Papa took me in workshop with him. Where I felt heat of furnace and suffocation caused by the acid’s smoke.
I asked my father, “Why do you not do it in open space, so that all the smoke and heat could exit.”
“This is the gold and silver, we can’t melt it in open space we have to check its color and its behavior at different stage.” He replied simply.
I asked him again, “What is gold and silver?”
He replied, “These are the things which give us foods.”
I could not understand the answer my father gave me, I was puzzled how the gold and silver give us food whereas the momma cooks food and give us.
Gradually I grown up and started to understand the Silver and Gold’s bricks. How does it give us food after transforming into beautiful ornaments? I also understood the hard work, art and dedication behind this art of being metal into ornaments. After class 6 my interest shifted towards the workshop rather than to study and that workshop became my school and playground. Firstly my father wanted me to keep separate from all these things but seeing my interest and ability to learn he allowed me stay there with a warning that if I would fail in exam he will send me to city to study. With the fear of separation from Momma I kept my study on and also started the making damage in the tools and part of jewelry. And after the 6 month of making good loss I became a quick designer and was one of the best boy among the working men.
These ornaments always hypnotized me but the books used to be my friend along with the flame of blowers and smoke of acid. I rarely used to go school and but in interest of book I never had difficulty in understanding the in scripted black words on white paper.
When I was exposed as a mediator between the jewelry and customer I find difficulty for first few days. And onto this my father helped me and told me how to understand the customer, you can’t handle all people in same way you need to understand the psychology of the person standing before you and also told me the tricks what was very helpful in process of understanding the peoples’ mind. I aced the trick and have 100% satisfied customer whom I handled. I developed a relationship whomever I met in the process of understanding the behavior some of them became my Chacha, Chachi, Dada, Baba, Aka, Tau and Amma. This is a market strategy to attack on customers’ mind through their heart.
In 11th and 12th I had work beyond my potential and available resources. Whenever I was in middle of 12th, the order was flooding and it was hard to handle all those with available resource so I proposed the idea of increasing the resources and allow me to give it fulltime. I got mixed response on first idea My Papa praised me and on second idea I had been banned to go workshop. He ordered me concentrate on my study; and said, “your part of work will be handle by other.” I did not go workshop until I cleared my intermediate and sailed through only entrance exam of UPSEE. And meanwhile I had ton of time to keep keen eyes over the market’s behavior and got command in prediction of market response with around 80% accuracy and came to know about the brands like thing. So I decided to establish my own brand.
But the UPSEE entrance exam result created another alternative for me. Here I had two way one was for engineering and another was handling the business. But my all inclination was towards the business. But my father did not allow me to handle the business. He said you are too little to take care of this first go for study after that we will decide.
So I had to take admission in engineering as I did not filled any examination entrance exam so only had only this choice. After coming here I could not separate myself from that world. Still I kept contact with all business associates, customer, market analyst , stock broker and dealer. Usually I used to send instruction to my business associate about the market quote in middle of lecture. I used to skip the day whenever I saw the more tumble in market, I used to pass the time in internet lab staring at the BSE, NSE’s ticker and reading articles of the great analyst to know the reason behind the present fluctuation.
In this four year I never bothered about job, I have affection about the technology the consequence, I am good at it but I die on the market’s behavior and its mystery to make me fail in the things I perceive.
I left the problem of job over my destiny but I love the technology and market analysis was plus point for aptitude. On one side destiny will play its role about the job and other side my hard will make me successful in transforming my dream in reality. Here I am again standing at the location from where two pavements emerge, one towards entering into corporate and other will led me towards my dream of making my own brand. I have chosen second to move on. That’s why I don’t appear in any company’s written test.

Few more days of college and these memories

Exam is about to come, the layer of dust over the stack of book is still. This time everything seems white. When I open book I don’t understand where the printed words went and I see only white pages. I am not in jaw of any new decease it is just confusion what I should read first. And classes have almost over. But the teacher did not know I did not have any idea what they were talking about. Again feeling of departure is aching in heart and thought hovering in mind. Again I find myself in weak EQ state. The Bondages have established to this place and they are ending up in sweet, sour and bitter memories...

Be it sitting with friends at the hut in mid night from 1 a.m. to 4 a.m. and talking bullshit.

Be it hanging leg on the terrace of B.D.S building and sitting there and let the running adrenaline and seen up by the Mr. R.L. Dixit and disappearing in split of second.

Be it the preparation of birthday party to kick the Birthday boy’s ass, reaching to celebrate the party with wrapping towel around the waist and shoes in the legs.

Be it 3 people sleeping in single narrow bed and abuses of sandwiched boy.

Be it having drinks with friends under the open sky on the hostel’s roof and next day complain of warden and suggestion "don't throw the bottle keep it aside somewhere, I will get it picked up."

Be it talking with girlfriend and intensely making loud noise by the friends and letting her know something is being hidden and after that a session of circular chiding.

Be it going Dhaba early in the morning and finding in dilemma to decide the dishes.

Be it group preparation of exam and shifting the topic from course to computers game and movies and praying to get passing marks.

Be it bringing the wine bottle in place of notes in bag and showing up that in middle of lecture, and bunking the class, having galore of neat shots. Then working on the project and ending up on the bed sleeping leaving project running.

Be it spending the night without sleeping in care of that my friend have been admitted in hospital..

Be it fighting with friend and jumping over his door on next day forgetting all the hard feelings and asking to come for breakfast.

Be it asking treat for every trivial or important things and refusal of friends and next hour bringing edible things from the market and sharing with him and mean time saying that "kha le tere hi paise ka hai".

Be it preparation of exam over night and missing the exam in morning and blaming to partner "Sale agar sone diya hota to paper nahi miss hota."



These are the memories which would be cherished and they are the friends. Every masti moments will bring tear in eyes. I spent four years over here and never miss the Home in the presence of friends but when I was home I missed them. How the Days will pass without them?

My world has opened its gate for me and busy in preparation to welcome me. Few of them are happy that I am going back home and taking over my Papa’s business. Some of them are also trying to misguide my Papa to sending me Delhi for further study as they don’t want a potential competitor in market. I don’t know what future has in its bag for me but I am sure it will be containing good gift for me. I never expected I will find such a good friend in my college life and they will become a important part of my life. These friends became a treasure for me. May be this is my last blog of B.Tech. May be I will have to detached from you all people sorry for this but I will have to. You people contributed a great part of your life to me thanx for it. You people will always be remembered.
A big hug to you all people.
Good Bye…

My childhood and its learning

In this Holi I got chance to visit my village where I was born, a place where my initial and most important education took place. Many memories are related to that place “Mardanpur”. These memories are my treasure. If forget these, I will kill child in me.
A sudden thought came in my mind which was good excuse to tell the people. It was grace of accident what I had just before the two days of Holi. I was not supposed to go over anyone’s place and no one was going to complain me that “Kumar tum Allahabad me the aur milne bhi nahi aa sake.”So I had a ton of time to spend according to my will.
I was not able to ride bike so I asked my younger brother to come with me and ride the bike. He did not enquire anything but I can understand from his facial expression that he has a big plan with his friend and I am spoiling that. I asked him, “Koi kam ho to mat jao mai sonu ke sath chala jata hun.” “Nahi bhai ji chalta hun kam to mai kar hi lunga,” he replied.
After having momma’s permission we were on the way and after 20 minutes, we were at the outside of our village. I had not been there for 4 years; so many things have changed so it was hard to recognize the place. As we entered in village men, women and children were looking at us as we are alien. I waved to those faces what I recognized. Everything which exists but corroded with time, were reminding me the flash back of my childhood.
The primary school where my initial education took place has collapsed, it is not school no more, It is only remains. Its wall was made off clay and roof from soil plate, it had only one room. Here I came in contact with the soil and nature, the neem’s tree, under which my class used to held, became a giant tree.
The pond’s bank, where I, my cousin and other children used to play, has been occupied by hoses. This pond’s bank used to be our favorite place, except playing here we used to chase dragonfly and butterfly. Sometimes we became successful in our chase and sometimes we fail. But in next attempt we used to apply extra effort to catch them. Catching fish, from pond, used to be patience’s work. This pond taught us to keep patience and wait for next trap.
My brother stopped before Tau’s house. I touched the tai’s feet as I entered into house and sat on the floor. Tai chided me,”Pradeep uth jamin se nahi to kapda kharab hoi jayi” I response,” Amma rehne do mai thik hun bahut aaram mil rha hai chot lagi hai chair par nahi baith sakta” and spread my leg a little bit more. Just before my eyes Baba’s picture were hanging on the wall in a big frame decorated with artificial garland and pearls. I was not in village when Baba left the world. When I returned home and did not find Baba anywhere and asked to my granny,” Amma Baba kaha gaye hai.” My granny simply replied,”Baba Himalaya par puja karne gaye hai.” That time Himalaya was unknown place for me and I made a myth that who goes Himalaya comes after a many days. Whenever I remember Baba’s repeat the same question and used to get same reply and sometimes used to see picture. Baba always used to look at me smile through the glass whenever I saw. I always used to miss Baba’s piggy back ride and toffee.
“Tai brought some gujhiya and papad,” and ordered me to take and when I refused she chided and added some more plate of samosa and dahi bada as punishment and also complained about my health and advice to take care of this.
I saw at Baba’s picture, Baba was still smiling and looking at me. I wanted to have piggy back ride again and missing those toffee. The darkness was falling rapidly and my brother was seeing me. I read his eyes and asked him,” Bas 5 min, chal rhe hai.”
While we were returning, I asked him to stop and I got off and headed towards a narrow bridge through which only one person can pass. I still remember I used to fear to move alone through that bridge and to overcome my fear my elder brother Sandeep Bhai always used to take me on the middle of bridge and left me alone and from the bridge end used to beacon me to come and I always used to weep and scream mummy mummy and try to move gradually. But fear has gone I was standing on that bridge and seeing that the bottom is not more than 10 ft. below. Sandeep Bhai teaching was always tough for me then. He taught me to overcome fear and see beyond this. He made me daredevil, now a day height and speed is most lovable things.
My eyes were trying to search those trees under which my cousin and I used to take rest while returning from the school. Those trees used to be our best companion in firing summer. They used to prevent us from aggressive sun and help us to keep safe our bare feet. My cousin used to run rapidly from one tree to another tree’s shadow and I used to follow his lead. And these days, even on the occasion of Holi, he journeys one city to another city to grow his construction company and I am residing in another city to have higher education.
On the way I was missing both those trees which have been cut down and my cousin who was in Varanasi at that time. These are the childhood’s memories some is painful what I don’t want to face, some is reality of struggle and some are funny moments what I think and smile. It is the journey of gaining experience from the day we born and the day I am living, doesn’t matter how it was but gave me good learning what I am going to keep safe.