The Reliability, Ohh Dear, don't ruin it

“A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy. Let a man be one thing or the other, and we then know how to meet him.”

― Aesop, Aesop's Fables

Recently, I got a call from one of my friend. He wanted to start some snacks outlet and he wanted me to help him with the setup. Once few years back I called him for the setup of same thing in Bangalore. He was very happy with the idea and was over eager to come and he gave me time window when he could be in Bangalore to help me. I took his words and I started the preparation. When I was almost done with my preparation, I called him and asked what will be best day for his ticket to Bangalore. To my surprise, he said that he can't come. This was it. There was no need for further conversation. I had not intention for persuasion. Persuasion could have bring him in but his refusal was enough for me discard every plan and preparation. And I did so without any second thought.

For him it was just simple NO or refusal but for me it was the question on his reliability. Now he is asking me for the help and I am doubting. My wisdom does not allow me to trust on him. He is my friend I can't say much to him. Whenever he calls me I say that I have the trust issue with him let me think about him and his proposal. He just laughs. I don't expect him to laugh on this rather he should be retrospecting the past.

The Reliability could be seems another word from the dictionary but it carries few unmatched weightage. It affects in every part of the life be it professional, social or personal. When you promise or say something then you got to do, period. Even if you failed to achieve expected result for your promise, it does not matter. Few of the action we do every day without realising like promising of call return after sometimes, giving unrealistic time frame to your manager to make him feel good or just promising something out of euphoria and backing out later etc. These things can be avoided with better selection of words or just making a little more effort to fulfil the promise.

Do less promise with others or create less expectation or say straight no but don't let the question mark arise on your reliability.

The learning...

"Learning is the act of acquiring new, or modifying and reinforcing, existing knowledge, behaviors, skills, values, or preferences and may involve synthesizing different types of information. The ability to learn is possessed by humans, animals, plants and some machines."

--
Source Wikipedia

In the age of technologies whatever we learn get obsolete rapidly. Specially in technologies field. It's growing so fast, that it's becoming quite cumbersome to keep up with the update of technologies. But there is some good news, what happens with the technology few things does not change rapidly unlike technologies.

Human behaviours do not change often. It takes decades to shift the behaviour of humans and still few behaviours we carry from our ancestors. Few things we adapt faster like new trend in purchasing and adaptation of new fashions etc but the elements like emotions, body language, religious belief and human interaction take abundant time to change. So, it's worth investing the time to understand and learn these elements. A good salespersons keep these things in his arsenal to grab the best deal. I changed my interview outcome from pass to hire in splits of seconds for few candidates for their behaviours even though they were totally misfit for the position and I got the best performers in the team.

Negotiation, it's very misleading term. Most of the people use it for squeezing the money from the deal but best negotiation outcome must be win win for both parties. It's not zero sum game. Negotiation is all about maximising the values for both parties. When you have to  trade with your opponent in future then it becomes more crucial to get the best deal for the both parties without making other party feel cheated. Would you like to be with the person who have cheated you? So, it's imperative to learn some basics of negotiation. It will help you to maximise the value for your next job switch, your next vehicle purchase and your next real state deal etc.

Law, everything we do is governed by some law. State laws are imposed and encouraged to maintain the discipline in society. But sometime we face the difficulty of not knowing it. It's misused against us by the people who holds the power and authority. So, take some times out from your busy schedule and read them. Few are there which must be used more often but we are not aware of them.

Investing most of us know earning by hard work. But apart from the active income, investing in stock, commodity and real state can be the best source of passive earning and may prove to be the game changers in your life. Take the example of equity. Every company has the story embedded in theirs balance-sheet. Learn to decrypt those stories and then investing in equity is not a risky business.

Learn to Unlearn we give the importance on learning but we forget one most basic thing which we ignore "Unlearning". Unlearning is equally important like learning. If we keep holding us with the the things whatever we learnt earlier, we can't think about new things with different perspective. We can't expect the different result from doing the same thing again and again. So, here it becomes more important we forget the old learning and start afresh.

Good bye 2015 !! Hello 2016...

It's time to spread the layout for the year 2016 and draw a blurry picture how it should go. So, it's time for making some ground rules, todo list, taking new oath and making promises to my selves. By so far 2015, everything seems going right with some glitches and with some inner realisation. I felt I am dragging in career and not living the dream. I was being timid to bet big. I hope this year I will not be repeating the same mistake. Anyway, I am going to write the rules, resolution and promises...

Speak the mind

Most of the time I am hiding to say something, be it with close friend and sometime I was being diplomatic in corporate communication. I don't know what I wanted to save or achieve. So, I realise things must be stated directly in plain grammar and simple words instead of masking the intention behind the heavy sentences.

Take Risks

Now, I realise that I should have taken the leap in many opportunities, I let many opportunities slip away in lack of data. All the datas are never available anytime neither it will be. So, to fill the gap let the intuition guide the decision and action. It's one sacred force which guides you correctly and it must be heard closely when the decision is going to change your life. The Intuition seems a bridge between the universe and oneself. Now, I realise that when the intuition was guiding me to take different paths, make big investment, start new business or chose my better half and I took the decisions favouring the available data instead of listening my inner voice.

So in terse word let the intuition guide my action and let the grit follow the intuition. 

So take risk, live the life without repents. If things have to go wrong it will go wrong no matter how much I control. So taken actions are better than repent. Is not it?

Invest in character and knowledge 

Some one said that investing in yourself is one of the best investment. Nobody is going to tax on your knowledge and the character you build will last forever. Money can go away, the job can be snatched anytime and physical beauty can disappear in many ways. It's the character and knowledge will appreciate with the time whereas the physical thing will depreciate. So, my character and personality should not be crippled what I wear or how I look.

So, read a lot of things and nourish the mind and soul.

Move to leadership position

The time has come to do the things differently. It's the time to compile the energy and resources and come with the force. Improve communication skills and let the people know that I am the Elephant in the room who was asleep and now it's waking up and who can't be ignored.  It's showtime be the one hell of example.


Be Open, Be Social and Expand the reach

I was very reluctant to be open to the world. Be it going to parties, be it going on blind date or be it even going on date with the people I knew. My worlds were confined with selected no. of peoples, I was happy with that. Now I realise that if you give the people more importance or contact them more frequent, they dubbed you useless and you take the suffer. My Bad, I am being negative here, but it's fucking true and it can't be ignored.

Any way, I don't think I am  going to change in this case. So, I am going to stick with my people only. Only the privileged one will get the entry in my world. Still I am not going to be open, I am not to be social and obviously reach will be expanded but not the sake of some personal things. It's will be pure business.

Yeah sometime suffering is the worth for the peoples, I have much regards. How should I tell I love you a lot? I am not going to let any body infiltrate my world easily.

Participate in social cause

The good intention towards humanity and nature are the rent we pay to live on this earth and its resources. So, it's also my responsibility make the surrounding better. Reduce my footprint on the earth. Be responsible for the using its resources and keep the surrounding clean and help the needy peoples. Visit NGOs and be the part of the group who work for the societies.  Donate at-least 5% of my earning towards the social cause.

Be Stubborn and Be Eccentric

I used to have few traits which always kept me in the game, even when the circumstances were not in favour, be it facing the brutal illness and facing the unemployments for few months and not getting help from my own family. I was so stubborn not to give up. I dreamt of achieving the thing that seemed impossible once. Yes, I was eccentric to believe that I can do it.

With the time I realise that I am not that much stubborn and eccentric to dream big. So, these traits again need to come in my personality. It's time to dream bigger and if I am not stubborn and eccentric, then surely I will not be able to do it.


Work Hard, Play Harder and Raise the Bar

Sometime I feel sluggish towards the work and it gets delayed. I keep postponing the thing out of born laziness. Sometime I delay the work because I have the routine for the day. Now, I realise that routine can be compromised but the works can't be. Let's work hard until the work is complete or body gives up, if the vein in eyes gets burst, let it be, if there is dizziness while work, let it be but the target should not be breached. Period.

Whenever get the time, party harder, let's not put any number on anything while partying. I work hard and deserve the treat. Let every party be memorable.


Let's make the stories worth to be told...

Happy New Year...!!

A Mother's Faith and An Angel...

It was past 2 AM on some specific day. I was unable to sleep because one issue kept me awake. Then my phone started ringing. It was an unknown number. Who the hell is this calling me this time?  I picked the call.

Because of one wrong decision my financial condition got sacked. I was getting the blame for everything. I was being blamed for all the wrong things for which I was not even responsible remotely. The people who used to leave their chair when I used to walk in any deal, now the same people had the words to talk ill about me. I did not have the job and my account balance showed only 1295.58 Rs even there was the pressure to feed my hunger and the incident threw me in deep debt. I did not have any way to repay.  My credentials had fallen in the market, so I was virtually banned to be in game until I restore the faith. People avoided me, so that I could not ask for the help. I had the perfect opportunity to see the real face of the people and I was afraid that I may cultivate the hatred towards the human kind.

"Pradeep Bhai...!!", I listened a familiar voice.

"Haan Bhai..," I replied and I did not know what to say next I just wanted to keep smiling on hearing this voice.

He questioned, " How are you doing?"
"I am going to survive some more days," I replied.

"Don't give up! Remember your mother..." He gave suggestion.

It was my cousin. With whom I grew up. I don't know where he is staying? Most of the time I doubt whether he is alive? He does not leave any footprints for the trace. Most of the time he keeps the hawk eyes what is going on with me. 

Years passed by I did not hear anything from him. I vividly remember he called me last time in Dec, 2011, when I was going through very serious illness. Pain was so intense that I was contemplating to kill myself. Then he came as the angel or "Alien"  to give me strength to fight with my physical and emotional condition . His words still echoed in my head "Remember your mother did not lose hope when everybody said to give her up. You are the product of hard work and dedication of your mother. You can't be weak." 

He was reminding me the situation when I had the polio in my neck then I was around one year old. Doctor advice that I am not going to be physically normal but my mother refused instead she fought with condition and took me for the treatment continuos 7 months without missing a single day. People mocked her. Some of the relative called her mad. She faced the scorching heat. She herself hit by heat stroke. Many times she faced the hailstorm. After all the hardship and her dedication I was looking physically well but treatment had killed my immunity. For this she fasted on Thursday for my well being until I have the moustache line on my face. I don't know whether her fasting help me in my health or not but her care did and her care did miracle. Believe me I trust in miracle. 

Now I was fighting with real problems and with real peoples who wore the facade. It was depressing and beyond this it was making me angry. The peoples reaction was so bad that I wanted to shoot them at the spot. I helped them grow and these people wanted me not to meet them. I was trying to find the shelter. I was desperately waiting for the miracle to happen but it was not happening.

"Yeah... I know," I replied and kept silent.

He said, "Pradeep, I can help you in this and everything will be fine within one week but I would not."

"Any reason for this decision?" I asked.

He replied, "Get out of this, you can do it and you can come strong..." and he did not answer my question.

It's his habit he never answered my questions. He left the questions for me to discover the answers.

"Good luck!" he said and cut call.

I tried to speak more with him back but he did not pick the call and few hours later that no. was switched off. Even I could not ask where he is and how is doing? I hope he would be doing well. Again, he disappeared like angel and did not hear again since then. Still I don't know where he is?

I did not sleep whole night. In morning, I decided to stop thinking whatever bad is happening with me and I decided to concentrate how to solve it. Miracle happened I found it once again. I got rid off the problem. I got rid off the peoples.

But, I am expecting could hear back from him. I am expecting my mother to stop fasting. She stopped for few weeks but she resumed again. May be she is still praying for my well being. May be he is watching me like angel. I know when I am in problem my mother prayer will bring me out and that Alien will come to guide me way out.

Perception of equalities?

"Would you like to come for coffee?" she enquired.

"No" the reply came out from my lips.

She was puzzled and was taken aback from my reply as if she was hearing the "No" word first time and I doubt such the beautiful girl would have got a "NO" for anything.

I was sitting at my desk since 3 hour straight and lunch time already had passed and I did not have any intention to leave.

"Did you have lunch?", again she questioned.

"No", I said and continued staring at the desktop screen.

"Why? Are you fasting or dieting?" again she pried.

I locked the desktop. "OK" lets go.

"Floor cafeteria or Ground cafeteria?",  I asked.

She expressed that she would like to have some snacks as well so I decided to go to Ground Floor's cafeteria.

After taking some snacks I took the table near to TV and she joined me at the table.

We faced each other and I did not say a word. I was enjoying my tea with chips. I was hungry and I was reluctant to leave my desk but here I was eating like starving man and tea and chips was trying to boost up my hunger instead of satisfy it. I finished my tea and chips even before she starts.

"What Pradeep! Coming with you is boring!", she responded on my action.

"First thing your words are offensive and second thing you are being judgemental early", I had to reply.

I observed that she was upset because I did not wait for her to start her snacks and I was not interested in the conversation.

"Are you dieting?" again she questioned.

Many times she asked about the status of my lunch but my reply was NO. She was being inquisitive about why I was not going for lunch and I used to have my snacks with my computer. Many times I had to share my snacks with her unwillingly.

"No. I am not dieting the reason I am not coming for the lunch that I don't eat alone." I tried to answer her curiosity.

She made her face like she was trying to find the dumbest answer possible for her question and still my answer was on the top dumbness' scale.

"Don't be surprised. I don't eat alone", I told in reply of her expression.

"Why are you sad?" I threw the sentence on her.

I made her astonished. Damn Me, I managed to offence her also.

She asked furiously,"Do I look sad?"

She wished me the morning with sparkling eyes and confidant face and few hours later her were red and face was tired as if she cried a lot.

"Why are you sad?", I put the same sentence with same tone and calmness.

She was getting angry but she calmed herself, she kept silent for few moments and said, "It's not your business."


I replied calmly yeah, it's OK. If you don't want to share I will not ask but why are you trying to divert your mind with an unknown person on this table whom you don't know at all except his name and employments' history?

She was listening carefully and fighting within herself to not let her tears appear in her eyes.

"Pradeep... You are heartless. If you can't help someone please don't make their situation worse" as she spoke and I could see her lips trembling as if she is going to burst in to tear.

"You are being judgemental early", I reiterated.

Some people are heartless because they never picked themselves after their fall. They refused to hold hands which came in the form of help when they were down.

When something pinches you, it so happens that you go into your "silent den" to get yourself healed. And it helps too.

It happened with me when I was badly hurt by someone very very dear to me. I stopped talking. My contact confined to my family. Many people offered help. I refused thinking I have to come out of this myself. Eventually I came out of it but it left a ugly scar.

Scars can't be healed. They project your heartlessness. Those people who are far from you see your emotional indifferences. But the people who are close, they know you are still the same person in a different way. More mature than before. More careful than before.

"Pradeep we are in 21st century and people are progressing, still there are disparity in society," She put her point with anger.

"I think we are not ready to handle the parity still, the society, whatever we are in,  is in perfect shape and balance, It's my thinking. It will evolve with us and will change with time but not immediately," I replied.

"What happened? Why are you blaming society?" I asked.

"My father  wants me to meet a boy for marriage", she replied.

"I don't see anything wrong in this, he is your father he would like to see you happy anyway," I spoke and, "I think our parents are smart enough to take decision".

"No! still they are orthodox", she replied and tried to reach the tissue paper to wipe her tears. I pushed the tissue paper towards her and I asked her "wipe as if you are wiping your face not tears, many eyes on us at this place we are sitting here since long time."

"Every generation think, they are smarter than their previous generation," I tried to clarify her thoughts, "Anything wrong with this boy?"

"No, I don't know about him much I know his name and where he works," she replied.

"OK! So what are the things stopping you to meet him? You will get to know him at least," I suggested.

"Pradeep, I earn more than him and I want to marry a guy who is successful", she replied.

"I think your concern is equality and equality must be understood from both end not from one and you are projecting this guy as a loser because he earns less than you?" I put my points in very serious tone.

"OK! I will meet him," she replied with chuckle, "And you are invited in my friend's birthday, may be there you can find your friend so that you don't have to remain hungry...."

The conversation with a beautiful girl...1

17 Jan, 2 P.M.

I saw my watch. "Damn it's 2 'O' clock. She did not come. Has she gone already? No, but I did not see her going? Great Pradeep. OK! She will be coming soon."

I went straight to Guard and asked "Bhaiya, S3 k liye cab kab jayegi?"

"Sir samne wali cab ja rhi hai, baith jayiye" he replied.

I went to the place where cab was parked and looked around I did not see her coming.  I waited for sometime then sat in the cab and watched the time. Ohh god it's 2:05 now and she did not come yet. 

"Sir, Sar nāvu hōgi māḍabēku?" cab  driver asked something like this.

Sorry!!??

"Sir, Ab chalta?" He translated for me.


No, wait for 5 min more some more people will also go.


He did not replied anything and turn on the radio. It played some Kannada. I don't know exactly what was it? It may have been telgu or tamil or malyalam, i don't find any difference when I hear them.


I just checked my mobile. No message, no miss call. Thank God ! And it was on silent, after the meeting, I forgot to bring it in vibrate mode.


Then looked the watch again. It's 2:08 and my heart beat increased and shadow of disappointment started covering my thought.

Then for confirmation, I looked through the rear glass. There she was coming black top, eyeglass with full black framed was completely matching her with prettiness.

I leaned side and opened the door for before she opened it by herself. She even did not thank me. WTF where is the courtesy dying in girls? She sat beside me at the distance as much was possible in the Tata Indica .

Driver looked back and started the car and accelerated it.

I felt that my heart had more excitement than my mind. And its beats were disturbing the scenario I was making to bring the conversation alive with her.

She could have heard of the sound of my heart beats if she wanted to. But she did chose to play with her cellphone.

It was Samsung XXX (XXX=does not matter) and she was tapping on the screen. I looked at my phone Micromax XXX(XXX=cost around 1700 Rs last year, even key pad does not work on full strength of finger). I unlocked it and read an unopened message. It was my team mate he  dropped the message to wait for him, if I am in parking.

Driver asked for confirmation and I said, "No one is coming now, we can go now"  and looked at her for her approval but she ignored as if it does not matter whether someone is coming or not. Car left the parking lot and devil inside me dropped a message to my teammate "cb left, u mk up @ 3 shrp @caftria".

Cab was out of the Tech Park and she was not tapping her phone.

I composed my self and asked "Where are you from?"...

Continue....

You peoples are really important...

​Relationships can be so fragile! I can’t believe how dependent I am on my relationships. They give me something that nothing else in the world can. I love my people… well who doesn’t? but when I look back today and ask myself what is it that I remember the most and how do I see myself in future… the answer would be with my people. People I love the most! It’s almost unhealthy sometimes to what extent I can go to save a relationship. Ending up in realization that sometimes no amount of effort can change things or in fact get the changed things back to as they were before. Sometimes you loose friends and you have no idea why. I can’t help but mourn over such incidents. Wondering what went wrong. Wishing I would have just kept quiet or questioning my obsessive compulsion to be “honest”… why is it that everything has to reach a conclusion or given a name to? Why do we have to put some name tag on people and then we get peace. As if in a morgue with a dead name hanging to its owners big toe. No matter how angry or sad or agitated I get at times, I can’t deny the amount of happiness I got from my friends which make the little patches of tough times worth the pain.

Call me negative or whatever but a thought suddenly struck me today, this uncertainty that life comes with, what if I never get to tell my friends how much they mean to me? And the vital role they played in my life at different points of time. I can’t die without telling my friends that they are awesome! I might have hated them, loved them a little more than others, lied to them, cried because of them, blamed them for no reason but when I look at the picture as a whole, I see an amazing painting… varied colors coming together and making a masterpiece. And yes, this is the last time I will be using painting as an analogy...

There is no misunderstanding you can’t come over, no amount of discomfort you can’t ease out. Ya… life will go on even if we loose a few people. Seems like an affordable deal for that matter. But I refuse to believe we replace vacant spaces, we just create new keeping the empty ones bare and blank!

And of course in a while I will come over this emotional lapse and find everything written above brainless and stupid. But before it happens I would like to say this to people I lost recently and people I would never want to loose, You matter!

I am waiting and I am in no hurry...

“It’s been seven years; still you want that girl only?”  One of my best friends asked this from me.

I answered in affirmative.

“Why?”  He asked again.

This “why” left me thinking.

   Why do I want only that girl? What are special in her?  Why do I fancy her?

Alas! I don’t have the answer. I never searched the answer. Why should I like her because of some merits or demerits? I like her because she got my attention.

    I vividly remember the day when I saw her first time.  I was giving my introduction in class and I was so nervous that words were not coming out from mouth. She was smiling at my condition or may be on my attire. I don’t know what happened but something happened, as if someone hypnotized me and whispered she is the one you will like.

   Nothing has changed in my feelings the day I saw her and today. She could not become my friend because I love her since the day I saw.  I could not express my feelings to her because she was never closed to me. I tried many times but the distance was too much that she could not hear my voice. Still, I want to convey my feelings to her but she avoids listening.

  

   I did not dream of spending my life with her neither I do because she cannot be a part of my life. My passion and my ambition will not allow. But one time I want to cross her path. I want her to sit with me.  I want to express my feelings before her. I know this is unlikely to happen soon or in near future. This is bitter truth that she cannot be part of my life but feelings for her will be part of my life as long as she wants.  I believe she will come to me to take her all feelings back from me.

I am waiting and I am in no hurry …

A crush is no curse...

We saw someone special and the heart forgot to take some beats. Well it does happen and you cannot deny the strength of these forces. They are stronger than those centrifugal forces that maintain the earth on its orbit(I think so)and they can make u weaker than a straw of wood ready to be destroyed by the one who enthralls (holds)it......... No matter how hard one may try, it sure to happen once in a lifetime.
Albeit some friends tell me it has more than often occurred to them as a daily phenomenon. It’s now a PART OF LIFE to them.
"Hey he's so cute", "she's damn pretty" blah blah ........ Infatuation comes so naturally to human beings as breathing does. The only clear distinction between the two, respiration needs oxygen while even vacuum can make u fall for somebody. And behold there is nothing wrong in that, I mean it’s natural to be human at times aloof from the mechanical parts of our life. To admire someone is no sin, nor the acknowledgment of the fact, but concealing your admiration surely is. It creeps into your mind incessantly harping the same thoughts.
A CRUSH IS NO CURSE............love him/her to have realized your feelings or for just having let you admired him/her.............that's the joy of loving or of being crushed...................u rise up for a better day and it doesn't crush you it soothes u for tomorrow and ever after............
Congrats you had a crush and if u don’t, look forward they might be on their way …

What are the friends for??

Today, I was chatting on facebook with one of my friend. Suddenly he reminded me that I am forgetting one of good thing in me. It's writing. Even, I did not realize, really, I was forgetting about this. I loved writing. But, people did not like my writing that's why there were very less comments on the post or few, even, did not receive one. Bad thing! 

Most of my blog were about the girl I love. But, she does not love me. It's also bad thing. It's pain or say It's the worst thing I can realize. But the fact is fact! What I can do with this, It's up to her?

Usually, I realized today this blog was not for the peoples. Something is missing was for me only. When, I see the post I can realize the happening of my past. Some were good, some were bitter. But, now they are memory and learning and of course smiles. 

Some people came in life and they became friends.  And, contrary other way, some people came and they made me realize that devils also live here. Some people turned out to be this much selfish even my foolishness will not allow to trust on them(read it him).  

Since last year, I was in bad state always. Life had taken 360 degree turn and I was puzzled at every happening. My social condition was bad but to add spice in this, my health was deceiving me at every step. I had read somewhere when luck is not working, hard work is paid. But, even I did not had strength to do hard work. My hemoglobin count was making sure I sleep all the time and when I would wake up, I would search food. At some point of time I was ready to eat raw meats. But this day did not come. Sometimes, bathroom was the best place to shed tears. I forgot the count... How many times I had to say "I am fine with smiling face" when I wanted scream loudly at the moment of receiving momma's call. 

Now, I think I am the luckiest person who has realized worst at the very beginning of the career. And, with this I found few good peoples, say friends, with whom I can fight all the time, I can laugh, I can tease, I can get teased, I can have arguments which do not make any sense. I can believe that they will be with me at my worst time. I extremely wish they would be with me my good time without them good time will not be good. They bastard are very selfish even they will ask for the party when I will be total fucked. What are the friends for? Really they are those people, I would love to mentioned their name Vijay and Prabhakar. These guys were always big support for me. Rohit is the guy, who did not forget me to call when I needed the most. And, many my childhood's friends and my college's friends who were always in constant touch with me during all these. 

I Love You Guys....

 

The Dream and Obstacles on the way-3

One day, I was walking with my friend in Ganga barrage. The day was same as it was used to. I have a habit to walk in lonely place where i connect to myself. I had pressure of leaving Allahabad it was direct signal that I will not stay here. Maybe I was avoiding the feeling which was indicating that I am not welcomed here. Why? I don't understand the reason. Finally I had broken the silence and told everyone that I would start from this very place.

"No doubt! Many of you would suffer some loss. I want all rewards of my work whatever I have done till now," I said, “And as I am not concentrating on one business, so it's likely that in reward I don't want money, you keep this. All I want my contacts, helpers, dealers and the name you do work with. As there is only one person this time with me to help, so you can enjoy the luxury of being dominant till then," I told in a party.

After hearing this many came to cajole me, "you have good education and you can have good job. Why are you being trapped in this 99's dilemma?"
99's dilemma is considered as something is missed. It literally shows hunger, ambition and greed. It's like creating a target and after achieving it, a guilt come to haunt that the bastard you did not try hard, you could have more juice in that.

But I was adamant on my decision. Only thought was with me "let's do it. Now or never." I was not thinking for myself. My action was about to create more than 100 jobs directly or indirectly at the very beginning. I was crafting a big picture, a beautiful picture. I know I would have to be on my toe all the time, if I am dealing with peoples. But second day my father decided I would not stay in Allahabad. I could choose any place in India to live except U.P. Really surprising! I will not stay in U.P.?
"I am asked to leave U.P. which is still virgin in many areas. The time I move ahead to exploit opportunity, I am asked to leave. What the hell I would do in any other cities? What I did all times, remain here leaving me misfit to society?", I said to my father, " your decision is ruining me, may be you will lose me, maybe I will lost somewhere and you would not be able to search. You are not thinking. Just think! What I want?" and handed him a file.
"Please read it. Take your time. I can wait for good." I said.

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I got surprise on second day, the surprise I didn't want to have.
"You are leaving Allahabad. Get your ticket reserved as soon as possible. And if you don't get it, I don't care how you go?" Very strict words from my father.
I pleaded, I wept, I fainted but I could not deter his decision. My Papa is more stubborn than me.

My Papa's decision gave me a jerk. It upset me from my heart. My mind was not in state to think anything else. I just wanted loneliness for me. I confined myself within the home. One day I felt that my skin is getting pale in lack of sunlight and lack of physical work I was getting weaker. So, I decided to go outside to have some walk.

This was my third day in Ganga barrage. Me and my friend(Joker- Every one calls him by this name) used to be first disturbing the sand in evening. But this day someone had already walked on. I asked Joker to light the cigarette. Because I just want my mind diverted from all those things what happened few days before. The stress was driving me crazy. I smoked first and asked him to light another. He refused but when I insisted then he lit another and asked me not to throw the butt in bush.

I was just silently moving across the river bank and my friend was just getting bored from my silence. Suddenly a man emerged from the nearby bush and just pointed a hand made gun(katta) over my forehead.

"Oh! God..." was the word when I got the situation. He kept looking in my eyes, I in his. After few seconds my mind just started imagining everything I love and stomach felt thousand of butterflies as I will shit in next second. I did not know what to say. My mind was just getting angry and screaming just don't freak me out! Disappear or shoot.


"Abe trigger daba", were the words what came out in that situation.

And next second I listened a clique sound. I did not know what happened when the guy turned back, the bullet got fired. I was seeing joker and joker was chasing him madly. I scream at him," nahi Joker chhod use jane de." I realized that the bullet did not get fire on time. Sometime... most of the time hand made gun(katta) deceives on time and it is cheaply available in Allahabad like city.
Joker turned back and ran toward me and asked,"Abe kaise ho?" And help me to stand.

"Ye kaun tha sala, kahi tune to fielding nahi lagwai thi? Q ki mujhe tujh par kabhi wiswas nahi hota, tu sale kuch bhi kar sakta hai" I just threw harsh word over him.

"Nahi bhai, humka nahi mulum, pata nahi ee kauun rha. Tum rok liyo nahi yahi ooka niptayit." He said in soft voice in Allahabadi accent.


My mind was reacting bizarre. I could feel the heat in my body. I just slammed on the sand and tried to remain awake. Next moment I was unconscious. This did not happen because of fear. This happened because of anger. He patted my cheek helped me reach the Ganga's water. I got wet my hair and face completely. And this water was drenching my jeans.

I reconcile myself and just tried to imagine the situation. And I got few clue to find that man. I told joker to have few peoples for his company and asked him how to get that man and ordered him immediately get that man's in and out. I asked him plan and also told him how to recognize. I studied psychology's few book few month ago, when I finished I realized that it was the misuse of time. Now, that psychology's books were helping me to think by putting myself in that man shoes who tried to kill me.

Next day, by morning, I had all the details. The man was killing me only for 15 thousands rupee. I discovered that he is very poor because of this he had to do. He needed that money to to get rid from the debt and his wife's treatment. I asked him to show that gun. He refused when I build the pressure and put my gun over his forehead. Of course it was my turn to exercise the power. I smelled barrel, its gunpowder smell was fresh. And the worst thing is that he is addicted to gambling. His wife told me.

I can't help such type of man. All I could give him money for gambling by purchasing his gun. I just tossed 2000 Rs over him and advice,"goli ko istemal karne se pehle dhup dikha diya karo." I am sure he would not spend this money on his wife's treatment. And the pathetic part of the incident was that whole plan was designed by the man I respect the most. I have great respect for him. I follow his order like a good servant without thinking anything.

By 1 p.m. I left the home to go Khaga( A town in Fatehpur district). I spotted him purchasing vegetable in Local market. I went over and touched his feet.

"Jite raho beta... jite raho" he blessed me.

"Jite raho na bola karen... pata nahi kab apki duaye kisi aur k liye problem ban jaye..." I said smiling.

He smiled at me and asked,"Chal ghar chal, teri behne yaad kar rhi thi kal"

I followed him. I touched the eldest sister feet. She repeated the same blessing jite raho.

I wonder, one wants me dead and his daughter blessing me to live long. In his blessing there was crookedness and in other the purity.

I asked," Bachchi kaha hai.? Dikh nahi rhi?" by ogling in room She answered,"Coaching gayi hai"

I noticed nervousness on his face when i saw him but he controlled himself brilliantly. Now, it was confirmed that it was his plan.

I had snack what my sister made. I just teased her,"bahut bekar bana hua hai" and she pulled the plate and said,"nahi milega. jao!" And after seeing me struggling for the food she placed the plate on table.

She makes the delicious things I could travel 160 k.m. every day to have such delicious food. I asked the permission from her to let me go. First she refused and when I reasoned her she left me with promise that if I travel through this rout I will definitely come.

Tau accompanied me till the door. But I insisted him to come with me for few reasons. I stopped the bike and got off. I just asked him," When you are marrying your daughters?"

"Why?" He asked.

I answered, "Because I don't want to make them orphan. I want them all to have married in good families soon. I want you dead and do me favor please don't tell them what you did to me and what I want with you?" and I continued, “Use your money in good cause. So marry them soon. I advice transfer all the money on their names. So i could not have any difficulty in my execution. Don't worry I will have respect for you forever. I promise I will shoulder you."

I touched his feet and left him in middle way and headed to home. In the way I thought about my Papa. My Papa never refused anything when I went for permission and he supported me as well. But this time, He just ordered me leave state. He always gave me reason whenever he refused for anything but this time the reason was not described by him.

It's weird...

Where is life heading? It's weird to track it out. It's making me freak. I am sitting at the distance of 2400km and missing home badly. Really these feelings hurt. I know it's better to go back but life has its own trick to make you realize that you are so small against me. On the day of Holi, I was getting continuous call and each call was like a bullet. Everyone has a single question are you home I am coming to your place? Really, It was very odd for me. I could not say, "Hmm! Abe phone karke puch rahe ho, aa nahi sakte? jaldi aoo hum sab tumhara hi intezar kar rhe hai?".

But I don't understand myself that I am here to do the job. I was questioned in a telephonic interview," What is your salary expectation?" My answer was "MORE." The company HR was silent on my answer for a while and asked me to come at the office as soon as I could make. It's not all about the salary and environment. It's about the numbers, I like big, five or six digits don't satisfy me. It's all about the things I like to do. I believe in ups and down. Ups, to make me realize the importance of physical leisure and downs to make me furious about the situation and forcing me to seek the new ways. The city, where I am staying, is Bangalore. It's called the city of dream. The name is right. But I observed it closely, sorry observing is my bad habit and peoples complain me about this, and what I find here peoples come with dreams in their eyes and after few months they see their dreams disappearing from their eyes. Pathetic.... And after sometimes they become the crowd. I want to leave this city as soon as possible because I love my dreams and I never want to lose what I love.

Let me be true, here, my physical condition is very bad. I am under medication and if I don't care about my health and food I take, I invite more problems. And second thing I find myself that I don't need to have more exposure. I was brought up in poverty and this experience dwarfs any other exposure. I can survive in any place. But I don't want to survive rather I want to live. I am in my way to make a businessman. I am happy by getting positive response. I am in my way to be king of my own will. I want to forget the no. how many business I do. I am going to be rich and I never doubt it. My hunger is getting bigger and my risk appetite is being larger. It's weird to take risk for these emotions. One day my Papa wished to see my portfolio and after seeing that he became angry and threw many questions on me. "Are you mad? Where is your sense? Why there is only one company in your list?" My answer was simple big gain. This is not an easy task, you have to be dead for 1000 times and you have to kill your ego for thousands times. And the chap like me whose ego was like Antartica, is in share market. Really, it's weird.

The Dream and Obstacles on the way-2

I am home since the college is over because of fitness. Now, I have recovered a lot but still I am not allowed to work and interact face to face with the public . Before, being at home it used to be a leisure. But excess of anything cause boredom. I want to go outside of the home to do something worthwhile. As, I am making good money just sitting in home. But money is not everything. I want something more precious than money "the stability of my Identity".

I have learnt from my experience that don't chase the money, chase the substance and money will chase it. That's what I did in past. I gave attention on learning. And my learning paid me. I am a jeweler, an engineer, a real state dealer, trader of BSE and NSE and a banker. Everything helped me a lot to understand the other.

Here, I have stuck in game of push and pull. I don't want to do job and my Papa wants me to do. My Papa is my hero. He made his identity from nothing. I can't disobey Papa but even I can't push my dreams forth. I just want them right now. I have told Papa that I am better in working with people than machine but he is not ready. My dreams are like drugs to me. They fascinate me. They force me to go beyond my potential. I am furious and aggressive to bring them in reality. No other things hypnotized me so much except love. If someone else would have tried to prevent me, I would crush him. But unfortunately that is my Papa. Here, I am helpless.

I only know working without someone else order. I know implementing my decision. I am very familiar with the process from plan to execution.

I need a good sum to expand real estate business but I don't understand how does an engineer's job will give me such amount and if this is giving me, it would take more than half decade to have that much money with a very good pay scale. And the most important thing that the job will eat my time. For me, Engineering was all about to learn the technology. But people, including My Papa, took it in wrong sense. That's right I sat in few companies college recruitment but what is truth behind the scene no one knows. I was greedy about their training because few companies have the best training program. I want to earn hundreds in a week, thousand in month and million by the end of the year. Everyone is teaching me to climb the ladder in career. But is this wrong to have the thought to be rich enough to buy your own ladder?

Some peoples are afraid of that if I enter in jewelery market, I would shed bad impact on the market and will reduce the margin. Jeweler market is the place where I grew up. I still live and breath it. Papa says that if I enter, I would ruin few people's business and will make enemies that would be major threat to my life." You can't make your success without making any enemy. I am not fond of making enemy. This is the life I can't make everyone happy. I don't care what peoples consider me. This is up to them whether they consider me friend or enemy. Their blood have same color as mine and they will also bleed when they would get wounded. There is one thing crystal clear If you want to do business, get along to me, if you can't, defeat me before I do or just start counting your turn. People say that I am greedy. We people assign the GREED name to this lovely emotion for lack of better word. I think that GREED is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies cut through and captures the essence of evolutionary spirits. Greed, in all of its forms... Greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed pushes us ahead for betterment.

Yes, I am greedy about money and the things I like. What is my fault if available things do not feed my hunger? Sometimes, I take severe risk to make money. I know only one thing If you can make money, then make it. I used to cover 5 k.m. distance on foot from school to home in scorching noon to save only 1 Rs. I know the importance of 1 Paisa. Sometimes, my order in worth of 7 digit get rejected in shorts of few Paisa and few second delay cause loss in 4 digit. But again, I say, "money is not everything." In my network, there are both type of peoples good and bad. Bad peoples would be bad for other, they are very generous for me. They work incredibly. They are the best source of information. They provide me information in no time. As, the information is the most valuable commodity and it has value when it is received on time.I have reached at such line which is cusp of black and white world. But my values do not give me permission to cross the line. And the point where I am standing is gray, so I would keep loving the gray world.

Here, I want to give messages to people who really want to be something and who want to be stand apart from the other.
1. Know little about a lot. This is contradicting with the prevailing thought "Be specialist." First one make you owner and second one make you servant.
2. Stay hungry

Now What?

It has been so long I did not interact with most of you. I am a little bit busier, not like before because as I had to bunk class to take rest, in work. Here at home, I love being a businessman. I can sport professionalism and no one blames that you are being inhuman. I have to shut my eyes and mind for any relationship type of things during 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Meanwhile no friends because such type of creature have ability to touch the heart and the big problem is with me I am week with heart. So, I stopped making friends, now I make only partner or coworker.
Sometimes few peoples claim to me , “Why do you not act with softness?” But this question does not matter with me. “Hate me or love me, I am that’s way”.
The things what matter most, the completion of work on time and fully satisfied customers. Alas!! This is not going to sustain longer because I have to leave Allahabad soon. This is only contract for few days and after that I am not allowed to remain longer in city, my father wants me to do job.
In evening time, after the work, I never forget to call my old friends or seeing them. I am lucky that I got few friends whom I can say, “they are my buddies.” They make me, me. Sometimes they make me laugh; they make me serious and sometimes sad. Sometimes they unfold old memories and sometimes they make wonderful memory to be treasured. Making practical jokes are common thing but sometimes they idiots dig the soft spot,” LOVE”. Sometimes, they make me remind her out of sudden. They know better I am very stubborn about the things from childhood… I like only one thing and don’t compromise with this. I should not have loved her but what I would do the love of first sight is very dangerous and I could not escape from it. I started loving her from very first day of college when Chandra sir was taking my introduction and she was smiling at my goofs and look. Today and that day are same for me because I have same feeling about her what I had that day. I am already desirous about her and they add fuel in fire by making me remember her. This is fact I love her but never want anything in return.
Once I asked her to be friend but she refused by saying it, “ Ab kya fayda!! Clg is over… hum log ja rahe hai.”
She was searching benefit in friendship. I know that I did some bad activities and she had to face some problems but finally I realized my mistakes and ask for apology. I appreciate that she gave me pardon so easily. I know she is good at heart but when I will be able to touch her heart, I don’t know.
I think I kept rattling on at this love thing. She would be angry when she will go through this blog. Once again I will make her angry. This is the problem with me whenever I want to do anything good, when she was concerned, always goes opposite from the intention.
Sometimes few college’s friends also come in memory. Few of them are in continuous touch via mail, msg, phone call and chatting. Sometimes few of them call from unknown no. to puzzle me and give hint to recognize and at the end of call the contact is updated. But there also few people who did not bother to give their new no. Such type of people are very ridiculous, they want to forget their past and past’s people but they forget one basic thing whatever they are today because of their past and peoples who helped them in any manner. And one major thing they are forgetting before forgetting their so called past, is that they are living in such a world called global village and in village’s peoples care much about. Nothing can be hidden from other villagers. So their updated no. come silently onto my cell in the form of message and this no. is also updated.

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Now, I tell you one accident. I was coming from Lucknow to Allahabad by train as usual in general coach packed with rush. There, I met with a guy coming back from counseling.
I figured it out on seeing the document with uptu’s logo. I pried him,” Are you coming from counseling?”
He corrected me and said, “I am not coming back from counseling, I went to take allotment later.”
“Which college did you chose?”, I questioned.
He answered with proud and smile, “Maharana Pratap Engineering College Kanpur” as he won red fort.
I was shocked that he was allotted MPEC and smiling. May he can see his dark future in mpec.
“Why did you choose this college? Did you not get any college in NCR? How this came in your mind to chose mpec?”, I threw a bunch of question on him.
He replied smartly, “The College in under 30 in u.p. and the placement is 100% and more than 60 companies came for campus placement this year including Infosys, tcs and wipro type top mncs. And in mpec companies don’t choose student, students choose company.”
Hearing this I must be proud on my college because he knows few facts as it was under 30 in up wipro came in my college. But he does not know wipro came but only to take written test. I don’t want to boast of my achievement that I have cleared the written test and still did not get any interview date. Because it was an inauspicious day I decided to sit in campus placement program and gave first written test of any company of my life and after coming out from room I called my papa and said him I have cleared the wipro’s written test. This day I changed my career plan and the consequence is that I will have to look a job. I wanted to come home as loser to live my dream, so that I could do business because the business I wanted to do, does not need any qualification it only wants determination, self trust, networking, interpersonal skill, assessing the peoples’ mind and vision. I am victim of college tactics and he is poor consumer who was tempted by advertisement and victim of corporate marketing as mpec invest a big part of its income in advertisements.
Yes, that guy was right but let me explain where he was right. College used to be under 30 and good visiting companies don’t select students from our college because our college system don’t polish the shortcoming of the students, so students’ skill don’t par with companies’ standards and students select company because no good company comes for campus placement so student select from alternative whether they have to sit or not.
I had to do duty of an ex mpecian and social worker. I had to save his future so I told him reality and gave him instance of myself and suggest him to go for recounseling .
When I detrained at Prayag station I was feeling good that at least I prevent that guy to being one from us. He will not face the question as we are facing. NOW WHAT?

The dream & obstacles on the way…

One dream always teases me. This dream makes me restless and always hovered in my mind. This dream affects my attitude and the way I think. This dream boosts my confidence towards the future this dream always make me pragmatic.
Let me start from very beginning once my Papa took me in workshop with him. Where I felt heat of furnace and suffocation caused by the acid’s smoke.
I asked my father, “Why do you not do it in open space, so that all the smoke and heat could exit.”
“This is the gold and silver, we can’t melt it in open space we have to check its color and its behavior at different stage.” He replied simply.
I asked him again, “What is gold and silver?”
He replied, “These are the things which give us foods.”
I could not understand the answer my father gave me, I was puzzled how the gold and silver give us food whereas the momma cooks food and give us.
Gradually I grown up and started to understand the Silver and Gold’s bricks. How does it give us food after transforming into beautiful ornaments? I also understood the hard work, art and dedication behind this art of being metal into ornaments. After class 6 my interest shifted towards the workshop rather than to study and that workshop became my school and playground. Firstly my father wanted me to keep separate from all these things but seeing my interest and ability to learn he allowed me stay there with a warning that if I would fail in exam he will send me to city to study. With the fear of separation from Momma I kept my study on and also started the making damage in the tools and part of jewelry. And after the 6 month of making good loss I became a quick designer and was one of the best boy among the working men.
These ornaments always hypnotized me but the books used to be my friend along with the flame of blowers and smoke of acid. I rarely used to go school and but in interest of book I never had difficulty in understanding the in scripted black words on white paper.
When I was exposed as a mediator between the jewelry and customer I find difficulty for first few days. And onto this my father helped me and told me how to understand the customer, you can’t handle all people in same way you need to understand the psychology of the person standing before you and also told me the tricks what was very helpful in process of understanding the peoples’ mind. I aced the trick and have 100% satisfied customer whom I handled. I developed a relationship whomever I met in the process of understanding the behavior some of them became my Chacha, Chachi, Dada, Baba, Aka, Tau and Amma. This is a market strategy to attack on customers’ mind through their heart.
In 11th and 12th I had work beyond my potential and available resources. Whenever I was in middle of 12th, the order was flooding and it was hard to handle all those with available resource so I proposed the idea of increasing the resources and allow me to give it fulltime. I got mixed response on first idea My Papa praised me and on second idea I had been banned to go workshop. He ordered me concentrate on my study; and said, “your part of work will be handle by other.” I did not go workshop until I cleared my intermediate and sailed through only entrance exam of UPSEE. And meanwhile I had ton of time to keep keen eyes over the market’s behavior and got command in prediction of market response with around 80% accuracy and came to know about the brands like thing. So I decided to establish my own brand.
But the UPSEE entrance exam result created another alternative for me. Here I had two way one was for engineering and another was handling the business. But my all inclination was towards the business. But my father did not allow me to handle the business. He said you are too little to take care of this first go for study after that we will decide.
So I had to take admission in engineering as I did not filled any examination entrance exam so only had only this choice. After coming here I could not separate myself from that world. Still I kept contact with all business associates, customer, market analyst , stock broker and dealer. Usually I used to send instruction to my business associate about the market quote in middle of lecture. I used to skip the day whenever I saw the more tumble in market, I used to pass the time in internet lab staring at the BSE, NSE’s ticker and reading articles of the great analyst to know the reason behind the present fluctuation.
In this four year I never bothered about job, I have affection about the technology the consequence, I am good at it but I die on the market’s behavior and its mystery to make me fail in the things I perceive.
I left the problem of job over my destiny but I love the technology and market analysis was plus point for aptitude. On one side destiny will play its role about the job and other side my hard will make me successful in transforming my dream in reality. Here I am again standing at the location from where two pavements emerge, one towards entering into corporate and other will led me towards my dream of making my own brand. I have chosen second to move on. That’s why I don’t appear in any company’s written test.